Johnnie Jokes / Recent Jokes

The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about
something exciting and relate it to the class the next day.

When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time.

She was reluctant to call upon little Johnnie, since he sometimes could be a bit crude.

But eventually his turn came. Little Johnnie walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down.

Well the teacher couldn't figure out what Johnnie had in mind for his report on something exciting, so she asked him just what that was. "It's a period," reported Johnnie.

"Well I can see that," she said. "But what is so exciting about a period."

"Damned if I know," said Johnnie, "but this morning my sister said she missed one....

Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy more...

The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time.
She was reluctant to call upon little Johnnie, knowing that he sometimes could be quite outspoken and a bit crude. But eventually his turn came.
Little Johnnie walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat down. The teacher couldn't figure out what Johnnie had in mind for his report on something exciting, so she asked him just what that was.
"It's a period," reported Johnnie.
"Well, I can see that," she said, but what is so exciting about a period?"
"Damned if I know," said Johnnie, "But this morning my sister said she missed one. Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted, and the man next door shot himself."

One day Gramma sent her grandson little Johnnie down to the water hole to get some water to cook dinner.
As he was dipping the bucket in, he saw two big eyes looking back at him. He dropped the bucket and hightailed it for Gramma's kitchen.
"Well now, where's my bucket and where's my water?" Gramma asked him.
"I can't get any water from that water hole, Gramma" exclaimed Johnnie. "There's a BIG ol' alligator down there!"
"Now don't you mind that ol' alligator, Johnnie. He's been there for a few years now, and he's never hurt no one. Why, he's probably as scared of you as you are of him!"
"Well, Gramma," replied Johnnie, "if he's as scared as I am, then that water ain't fit to drink!"

there were three thieves who used to hang together going out on rampages through the surbubs of harare, one of the thieves decided to become a christian, joining the Mpostori church, this pissed the other two off, as john used to wake up early in the morning and start praying. As they walked through the streets John would pray loud shouting mwari baba ndokumbira what ever he needed. This would wake the people in their houses stopping the thieves from being able to go into the houses. One day his two friends decided among themselves to fix john up, they decided that as john woke at 3am to start praying one of them would get on the roof of the house and talk to john.
John true to form woke that morning at 3 and started his daily ritual on top of his bedroom roof was his friend john was praying extra hard and extra loud so his friend shouted JOHNNIE Ndati Johniie mwana wangu so john said yes baba, his friend said pamusha pano pane mavenge john said baba murikuda ndi ite sei ko enda more...