Johnson Jokes / Recent Jokes
The Kansas City Chiefs have suspended Larry Johnson for one game. Which he thinks is totally gay.
Saddam Hussein's stockpile is deadly. The smoke from his biological weapons could mix with sulfur from his chemical weapons and create an atmospheric condition known as Los Angeles. The Los Angeles Board of Education has OK'd a plan to equip school police cars with guns. The plan works on a tier system: Police at elementary schools will carry supersoakers, junior high patrols will carry paint guns, and shotguns will be used at high schools. A severly disturbed geography teacher killed six people who did not know the capital of Scotland. Police say he's still on the loose and remind everyone that the capital of Scotland is Edinburgh. (Carlin) ATT announced last week it will lay off up to 8,000 employees. Ever conscious of its image, the company is promoting the layoffs as a new feature called job forwarding. El Nino storms are affecting trade with Asian countries. A freighter bound for Long Beach Calif. with a cargo of yo-yos got caught in a particularly violent storm. It sank 65 more...
Johnson: Jenny i love you and i want to marry you.
Jenny: Johnson you are one year younger to me.
Johnson: No problem Jenny i will marry you next year.
Once there was a lady who had small tits. Well on day she heard about this doctor called Dr. Johnson.So of course she went to see him. He told her how he could help, but she had second thoughts about doing it. He told her to pinch her tits and sing, "
mary had a little lamb. its fleece was white as snow. anywhere that mary went that lamb was sure to go"
Well sure enough she did, and she went from eggs to oranges. she thought it worked so well she wanted to go to melons. well on day she was on a city bus and, she just started sing and pinching her tits. the guy that was sittin next to her said,"
hey you go to dr johnson dont you?"
she was like, "
yeah how did you know?"
all of a sudden he starts to hit his dick and starts to sing, "
hickory-dickory dock!"
For thirty years, Johnson had arrived at work at 9 a.m. on the dot; he had never missed a day and was never late.
Consequently, when on one particular day 9 a.m. passed without Johnson's arrival, it caused a sensation. All work ceased, and the boss himself, looking at his watch and muttering, came out into the corridor.
Finally, precisely at ten, Johnson showed up, clothes dusty and torn, his face scratched and bruised, his glasses bent. He limped painfully to the time clock, punched in, and said, aware that all eyes were upon him, "I tripped and rolled down two flights of stairs in the subway - nearly killed myself."
The boss said, "And to roll down two flights of stairs took you a whole hour?"
For thirty years, Johnson had arrived at work at 9A.M. on the dot. He had never missed a day and was never late.
Consequently, when on one particular day 9 A.M. passed without Johnson's arrival, it caused a sensation. All work ceased, and the boss himself, looking at his watch and muttering, came out into the corridor.
Finally, precisely at ten, Johnson showed up, clothes dusty and torn, his face scratched and bruised, his glasses bent. He limped painfully to the time clock, punched in, and said, aware that all eyes were upon him, "I tripped and rolled down two flights of stairs in the subway. Nearly killed myself."
And the boss said, "And to roll down two flights of stairs took you a whole hour?"