Johnson Jokes / Recent Jokes

Mr. Perkins, the biology instructor at a posh suburban girl's junior college, said during class, "Miss Smythe, would you please name the organ of the human body, which under the appropriate conditions, expands to six times its normal size, and define the conditions."
Miss Smythe gasped, then said freezingly, "Mr. Perkins, I don't think that is a proper question to ask me.
I assure you my parents will hear of this." With that she sat down red-faced.
Unperturbed, Mr. Perkins called on Miss Johnson and asked the same question.
Miss Johnson, with composure, replied, "The pupil of the eye, in dim light."
"Correct," said Mr. Perkins. "And now, Miss Smythe, I have three things to say to you.
"One, you have not studied your lesson.
"Two, you have a dirty mind.
"And three, you will some day be faced with a dreadful disappointment."

Mr. Perkins, the biology instructor at a posh suburban girl's junior college, said during class, "Miss Smythe, would you please name the organ of the human body, which under the appropriate conditions, expands to six times its normal size, and define the conditions."Miss Smythe gasped, then said freezingly, "Mr. Perkins, I don't think that is a proper question to ask me. I assure you my parents will hear of this!" With that she sat down red-faced.Unperturbed, Mr. Perkins called on Miss Johnson and asked the same question.Miss Johnson, with composure replied, "The pupil of the eye, in dim light.""Correct," said Mr. Perkins."And now, Miss Smythe, I have three things to say to you:"One, you have not studied your lesson.Two, you have a dirty mind.And three, you will some day be faced with a dreadful disappointment!"

Mr. Perkins, the biology instructor at a posh suburban girl's junior college, said during class, "Miss Smythe, would you please name the organ of the human body, which under the appropriate conditions, expands to six times its normal size, and define the conditions."Miss Smythe gasped, then said freezingly, "Mr. Perkins, I don't think that is a proper question to ask me. I assure you my parents will hear of this!" With that she sat down red-faced.Unperturbed, Mr. Perkins called on Miss Johnson and asked the same question.Miss Johnson, with composure, replied, "The pupil of the eye, in dim light.""Correct," said Mr. Perkins. "And now, Miss Smythe, I have three things to say to you."One, you have not studied your lesson."Two, you have a dirty mind."And three, you will some day be faced with a dreadful disappointment."

After being snubbed from the All-Star game by Boston manager Darrell Johnson, Baltimore's Jim Palmer claimed he was misquoted for calling Johnson an idiot."I did not call Johnson an idiot. Someone else did and I just agreed," Palmer said.

Johnson's Corollary: Nobody really knows what is going on anywhere within the organization.

For thirty years, Johnson had arrived at work at 9A. M. on the dot. He had never missed a day and was never late. Consequently, when on one particular day 9 A. M. passed without Johnson`s arrival, it caused a sensation. All work ceased, and the boss himself, looking at his watch and muttering, came out into the corridor. Finally, precisely at ten, Johnson showed up, clothes dusty and torn, his face scratched and bruised, his glasses bent. He limped painfully to the time clock, punched in, and said, aware that all eyes were upon him, "I tripped and rolled down two flights of stairs in the subway. Nearly killed myself." And the boss said, "And to roll down two flights of stairs took you a whole hour?"

This stretches the bounds of what might be called "humor" per se, but it
is certainly entertaining, in a chilling sort of way, so I thought I would
share it...
The incidence of coincidence is so prevalent, that it can not be considered coincidence.
Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.
Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.
The names Lincoln and Kennedy each contain seven letters.
Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
Both their wives lost their children while living in the White House.
Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.
Both were shot in the head.
Both were shot in the presence of their wives.
The Secretary of each President warned them not to go to the theater and to Dallas, respectively.
Lincoln's Secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy's Secretary was named Lincoln.
Both were more...