Johnson Jokes / Recent Jokes

Mr. Johnson, a businessman from Wisconsin, went on a business trip to
Louisiana. He immediately sent an e-mail back home to his wife, Jennifer ([email protected]).
Unfortunately, he forgot his wife's exact email address and the e-mail ended up going to a Mrs. Joan Johnson ([email protected]) of New Jersey, the wife of a preacher who had just passed away.
The preacher's wife took one look at the e-mail and promptly fainted.
When she was finally revived by her daughter, she nervously pointed to the message, which read: "Arrived safely, but it sure is hot down here."

Some churches are more fun than others.
Believe it or not, these actually appeared in various church bulletins:
1. This afternoon there will be a meeting in the south and
north ends of the church. Children will be baptised at both
ends.
2. Tuesday at 4PM there will be an ice cream social. All
ladies giving milk, come early.
3. Wednesday the ladies liturgy society will meet. Mr.
Johnson will sing, "Put Me In My Little Bed," accompanied by
the pastor.
4. Thursday at 5PM there will be a meeting of the little
mothers club. All ladies wishing to be little mothers
please meet with the pastor in his study.
5. This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Johnson to
come forward and lay an egg at the alter.
6. The service will close with "Little Drops Of Water".
One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the
congregation will join in.
7. On Sunday, a special collection will be taken to more...

Some churches are more fun than others. Believe it or not, these
actually appeared in various church bulletins:
This afternoon there will be a meeting in the south and north ends
of the church. Children will be baptised at both ends.
Tuesday at 4 PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies
giving milk, come early.
Wednesday the ladies liturgy society will meet. Mr. Johnson will
sing, "Put Me In My Little Bed," accompanied by the pastor.
Thursday at 5 PM there will be a meeting of the little mothers
club. All ladies wishing to be little mothers please meet with the
pastor in his study.
This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Johnson to come forward
and lay an egg at the alter.
The service will close with "Little Drops Of Water". One of the
ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join
in.
On Sunday, a special collection will be taken to defray the
expenses of the new more...

Little Leroy was starting his first day of third grade and the lesson for
that day was to form sentences using Ebonics. The teacher would give each
student a word and they would have to use it in a sentence.
"Leroy?"
"Yea Ms. Johnson"
"Your word is contagious"
"Contagious?"
"Yes Leroy."
Leroy thought long and hard, and finally a sentence came to mind. "Well?",
Miss Johnson said.
Leroy replied "Evry time my mama gets olda, her contagious."

Mr. Perkins, the biology instructor at a posh suburban girl's junior
college, said during class, "Miss Smythe, would you please name the organ
of the human body, which under the appropriate conditions, expands to six
times its normal size, and define the conditions." Miss Smythe gasped,
then said freezingly, "Mr. Perkins, I don't think that is a proper
question to ask me. I assure you my parents will hear of this. "With that
she sat down red-faced. Unperturbed, Mr. Perkins called on Miss Johnson
and asked the same question. Miss Johnson, with composure, replied, "The
pupil of the eye, in dim light." "Correct," said Mr. Perkins. "And now,
Miss Smythe, I have three things to say to you." "One, you have not
studied your lesson. Two, you have a dirty mind. And three, you will
some day be faced with a dreadful disappointment."

Mr. Perkins, the biology instructor at a posh suburban girl's junior college, said during class, "Miss Smythe, would you please name the organ of the human body, which under the appropriate conditions, expands to six times its normal size, and define the conditions."
Miss Smythe gasped, then said freezingly, "Mr. Perkins, I don't think that is a proper question to ask me. I assure you my parents will hear of this!" With that she sat down red-faced.
Unperturbed, Mr. Perkins called on Miss Johnson and asked the same question.
Miss Johnson, with composure replied, "The pupil of the eye, in dim light."
"Correct," said Mr. Perkins.
"And now, Miss Smythe, I have three things to say to you:
"One, you have not studied your lesson.
Two, you have a dirty mind.
And three, you will some day be faced with a dreadful disappointment!"

Mr. Perkins, the biology instructor at a posh suburban girl's junior college, said during class, "Miss Smythe, would you please name the organ of the human body, which under the appropriate conditions, expands to six times its normal size, and define the conditions."
Miss Smythe gasped, then said freezingly, "Mr. Perkins, I don't think that is a proper question to ask me. I assure you my parents will hear of this!" With that she sat down red-faced.
Unperturbed, Mr. Perkins called on Miss Johnson and asked the same question.
Miss Johnson, with composure, replied, "The pupil of the eye, in dim light."
"Correct," said Mr. Perkins. "And now, Miss Smythe, I have three things to say to you.
"One, you have not studied your lesson.
"Two, you have a dirty mind.
"And three, you will some day be faced with a dreadful disappointment."