Join Jokes / Recent Jokes
Three guys get together every Saturday to go to the local Country Club to play golf. One Saturday morning, the pro approaches them and asks if they would mind if a new member could join in with them for the day. They agree to give it a try and the four go off to play golf.
The new guy plays left handed and has a great round. The group decides that they had such a good time that they invite the new guy to join in again the following week. The new guy says he'd love to, but he might be a couple of minutes late. They tell him that that's no problem and they all go home.
The next week, the new guy is there right on time and this time plays right handed. Again they all have a great time and invite him for the following week. He again tells them that he would love to but might be a couple of minutes late.
This goes on for several weeks with the new guy golfing both right and left handed. Finally, one of the original threesome can't stand it anymore and asks him, "How do you more...
Letter Home From the Hillbilly in the Army
Dear Ma and Pa:
Am well. Hope you are. Tell brother Walt and brother Elmer the Army beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before maybe all the places are filled.
I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 5 a. m., but am getting so I like to sleep late.
Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot and shine some things -- no hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing. Men got to shave, but it ain't bad, they git warm water.
Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kinda weak on chops, potatoes, beef, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie, and regular food. But tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit between two city boys that live on coffee. Their food plus yours holds you till noon, when you get fed gain. It aint no wonder these more...
A fellow is getting ready to tee-off on the first hole when a second fellow approaches and asks if he can join him. The first says that he usually plays alone but agrees to let the second guy join him.
Both are even after the first couple of holes. The second guy says, “Say, we’re about evenly matched, how about we play for five bucks a hole? ”
The first fellow says that he usually plays alone and doesn’t like to bet but agrees to the terms. Well, the second guy wins the rest of the holes and as they’re walking off of the eighteenth hole, and while counting his $80. 00, he confesses that he’s the pro at a neighboring course and likes to pick on suckers.
The first fellow reveals that he’s the Parish Priest at the local Catholic Church to which the second fellow gets all flustered and apologetic and offers to give the Priest back his money. The Priest says, “No, no. You won fair and square and I was foolish to bet with you. You keep your winnings. more...
In Speech, Bush Calls Iraq, Iran, and North Korea 'Axis of Evil"-N.Y. Times, 1/30/02
ANGERED BY SNUBBING, LIBYA, CHINA, and SYRIA FORM AXIS OF JUST AS EVIL; Cuba, Sudan, Serbia Form Axis of Somewhat Evil; Other Nations Start Own Clubs
Beijing. - Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the "Axis of Evil," Libya, China, and Syria today announced they had formed the "Axis of Just as Evil," which they said would be way eviler than that stupid Iran-Iraq-North Korea axis President Bush warned of in his State of the Union address. Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissed the new axis as having, for starters, a really dumb name. "Right. They are Just as Evil...in their dreams!" declared North Korean leader Kim Jong-il. "Everybody knows we're the best evils... best at being evil... we're the best."
Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over being excluded, although they conceded they did ask if they could join more...
The following is an excerpt from a 1986 Saturday Night Live skit, the speaker being Steve Martin. If I could have one wish for christmas, it would be for all the children of the world to join hands and sings in unison all with smiling faces.
If I could have just two wishes for christmas, the first one would be for all the children of the world to join hands and sing while happy and smiling, the second would be for 30 million dollars to be given to me on a monthly basis, deposited in a swiss bank account.
If I could have just three wishes for christmas the first would be for all the children to hold hands and sing, the second for 30 million dollars to be deposited monthly in my bank account, and the third would be to have absolute power over all the creatures of the earth and sky and the whole universe.
If I could have four wishes for christmas, the first would definately be that children crap, the second would be the 30 million dollars, the third would be absolute power more...
Two dogfaces were digging a foxhole.
“What made you join the Army? ” asked one.
“Well, I read one of the posters that said: Join the Army and see the world! And I been doin’ it - a shovelful at a time. ”
Two dogfaces were digging a foxhole.
"What made you join the Army?" asked one.
"Well, I read one of the posters that said: Join the Army and see the world! And I been doin' it - a shovelful at a time."