Jon Jokes / Recent Jokes

A little boy was excited about his first day at school. So excited in fact, that only a few minutes after classstarted, he realized that he desperately needed to go tothe bathroom. So he raised his hand politely to ask ifhe could be excused. Of course the teacher said yes, butasked him to be quick. Five minutes later he returned, looking more desperate and embarrassed. "I can't find it", he admitted. The teacher sat him down and drew him a little diagram to where he should go and asked him if he will be ableto find it now. The boy looked at the diagram, said "yes"and goes on his way. Five minutes later he returned to the class room and saysto the teacher "I can't find it". Frustrated, the teacher asked Jon, a boy who has been atthe school for awhile, to help him find the bathroom. So two fellas go together and five minutes later they both return and sit down at their seats. The teacher asks Jon, "Well, did you find it?" Jon is quick with his more...

Two lawyers, Jon and Chuck, head out for their usual 9 holes of golf. Jon offers Chuck a bet. “Let's say we bet $50. ”
Chuck agrees and they're off.
After the 8th hole, Chuck is ahead by one stroke, but cuts his ball into the rough on the 9th. “Help me find my ball. Look over there, ” he said to Jon.
After a few minutes, neither have any luck and a lost ball carries a four-point
penalty, Chuck pulls a ball from his pocket and tosses it to the ground. “I've found my
ball!!! ” he announces.
Jon looks at him. “After all of the years we've been partners and playing together, you'd cheat me out of a lousy 50 bucks? ”
“What do you mean, cheat? I found my ball sitting right there! ”
“And you're a liar, too! ” Jon said. “I’ll have you know I've been STANDING on
your ball for the last five minutes! ”

Jon was looking for a little "action". He picked up a sweet young thang at the bar and took her back to his hotel room. Little did he know she was damn near a nymphomaniac. After six times she was screaming for more. After the *eighth* time Jon told her that he needed to slip out for a pack of cigarettes. On the way out he stopped in the men's room. He stood in front of the urinal, unzipped, and felt a moment of panic that he couldn't find "it". After a couple of minutes "fishing around" he finally said, "Look, it's ok. She's not here!"

One day, this man, Tony, died. When he was sent to be judged, he was told that he had committed a sin, and that he could not go to heaven right away. He asked what he did and God told him that he cheated on his income taxes, and that the only way he could get into heaven would be to sleep with a 500 pound, stupid, butt-ugly woman for the next five years and enjoy it. Tony decided that this was a small price to pay for an eternity in heaven. So off he went with this enormous woman, pretending to be happy.
As he was walking along, he saw his friend Carlos up ahead. Carlos was with an even bigger, uglier woman than he was with. When he approached Carlos he asked him what was going on, and Carlos replied, "I cheated on my income taxes and scammed the government out of a lot of money... even more then you did." They both shook their heads in understanding and figured that as long as they have to be with these women, they might as well hang out together to help pass the more...

Two lawyers, Jon and Bill, head out for their usual 9 holes of golf. Jon offers Bill a $50 bet. Bill agrees and they’re off.
They shoot a great game. After the 8th hole, Bill is ahead by one stroke, but cuts his ball into the rough on the 9th.
“Help me find my ball. Look over there, ” he says to Jon. After a few minutes, neither has any luck. Since a lost ball carries a four stroke penalty, Bill secretly pulls a ball from his pocket and tosses it to the ground.
“I’ve found my ball! ” he announces.
“After all of the years we’ve been partners and playing together, ” Jon says, “you’d cheat me out of a lousy 50 bucks? ”
“What do you mean, cheat? I found my ball sitting right there! ”
“And you’re a liar, too! ” Jon says. “I’ll have you know I’ve been STANDING on your ball for the last five minutes!