Jones Jokes / Recent Jokes
The Captain called the Sergeant in. "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private Jones' mother died yesterday. Better go tell him and send him in to see me."
So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation and lines up all the troops. "Listen up, men," says the Sergeant. "Johnson, report to the mess hall for KP. Smith, report to Personnel to sign some papers. The rest of you men report to the Motor Pool for maintenance. Oh by the way, Jones, your mother died, report to the commander."
Later that day the Captain called the Sergeant into his office. "Hey, Sarge, that was a pretty cold way to inform Jones his mother died. Couldn't you be a bit more tactful, next time?"
"Yes, sir," answered the Sarge.
A few months later, the Captain called the Sergeant in again with, "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private McGrath's mother died. You'd better go tell him and send him in to see me. This time be more more...
Jones is driving past the state mental hospital when his left reartire suffers a flat. While Jones is changing the tire, another cargoes by, running over the hub cap in which Jones was keeping the lugnuts. the nuts are all knocked into a nearby storm drain. Jones is at a loss for what to do and is about to go call a cab whenhe hears a shout from behind the hospital fence, where one of theinmates has been watching the whole thing. "Hey, pal! Why don't you just take one lug nut off each of the otherthree wheels? That'll hold your tires on until you can get to a garageor something." Jones is startled by the patient's seeming rationality, but realizesthe plan will work, and installs the spare tire without incident. Before he leaves, he calls back to the patient. "You know, that waspretty sharp thinking. Why do they have you in there?" The patient smiles and says, "I'm in here because I'm crazy, notbecause I'm stupid."
The captain called the sergeant in. "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private Jones' mother died yesterday. Better go tell him and send him in to see me."
So the sergeant calls for his morning formation and lines up all the troops. "Listen up, men," says the sergeant. "Johnson, report to the mess hall for KP. Smith, report to Personnel to sign some papers. The rest of you men report to the Motor Pool for maintenance. Oh, by the way, Jones, your mother died, report to the commander."
Later that day the captain called the sergeant into his office. "Hey, Sarge, that was a pretty cold way to inform Jones his mother died. Couldn't you be a bit more tactful next time?"
"Yes, sir," answered the sarge.
A few months later, the captain called the sergeant in again with, "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private McGrath's mother died. You'd better go tell him and send him in to see me. This time be more more...
Farmer Jones bought a herd of pigs from a Roman farmer who moved into the next valley and boy, is he sorry. The hogs wont come to the feed trough unless he calls them in Pig Latin.
The Captain called the Sergeant in. "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private Jones' mother died yesterday. Better go tell him and send him in to see me." So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation and lines up all the troops. "Listen up, men," says the Sergeant. "Johnson, report to the mess hall for KP. Smith, report to Personnel to sign some papers. The rest of you men report to the Motor Pool for maintenance. Oh by the way, Jones, your mother died, report to the commander." Later that day the Captain called the Sergeant into his office. "Hey, Sarge, that was a pretty cold way to inform Jones his mother died. Couldn't you be a bit more tactful, next time?" "Yes, sir," answered the Sarge. A few months later, the Captain called the Sergeant in again with, "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private McGrath's mother died. You'd better go tell him and send him in to see me. This time be more tactful." So the Sergeant calls more...
Old Farmer Johnson was dying. The family was standing around his bed. With a low voice he sad to his wife: "When Im dead I want you to marry farmer Jones."Wife: "No, I cant marry anyone after you."Johnson: "But I want you to."Wife: "But why?"Johnson: "Jones once cheated me in a horse deal!"
Two doctors opened offices in a small town and put up a sign reading, "Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Psychiatry and Proctology." The town's fathers were not too happy with that sign, so they changed it to, "Hysterias and Posteriors."
This was not acceptable either, so they changed the sign to "Schizoids and Hemorrhoids." No go, so they tried "Catatonics and High Colonics." Thumbs down again, so they tried "Manic- depressives and Anal-retentive." Still not good, so they tried "Minds and Behinds." Unacceptable again, so they tried "Lost Souls and Assholes." Still no go. Nor did "Analysis and Anal Cysts," "Nuts and Butts," "Freaks and Cheeks" or "Loons and Moons" work either.
They finally settled on...
"Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones Odds and Ends."