Judge Jokes / Recent Jokes

Old Abraham was a poor tailor whose shop was next door to a very upscale French restaurant. Every day at lunch time, Abraham would go out the back of his shop and eat his black bread and herring while smelling the wonderful odors coming from the restaurant's kitchen.
One day, Abraham was surprised to receive an invoice from the restaurant for' enjoyment of food'. So he went to the restaurant to point out that he had not bought anything from them. The manager said, "You're enjoying our food, so you should pay us for it."
Abraham refused to pay and the restaurant sued him. At the hearing, the judge asked the restaurant to present their side of the case. The manager said, "Every day, this man comes and sits outside our kitchen
and smells our food while eating his. It is clear that we are providing added value to his poor food and we deserve to be compensated for it."
The judge turns to Abraham and said, "What do you have to say to more...

Good news for all those heading off to court. You cannot catch SARS (Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome) from a family court judge.

Apparently SARS requires a human host to infect you.

The learned judge looked down from the bench at the young man who was suing his wife for divorce.
"Your Honor," the young man said, "I just can't live with my wife anymore. She's a hobosexual."
"Just one moment," interrupted the judge. "Don't you mean homosexual?"
"No, your Honor," replied the man. "I mean ho&osexual. You see, my wife's a bum lay."

There was this kid who wanted to divorce his parents, so he takes them to court.
The judge says, "do you want to live with your dad?" the kid says "no! he beats me!". The judge says,"you want to live with your mom?" "no! she beats me too!".
So the judge says, "who do you want to live with then?"
The kid says, "The Cleveland Browns...they can't beat anybody!"

What's the difference between God and a family court judge?

God does not think he is a family court judge.

A pregnant lady was travelling on a bus. The man opposite her stared and laughed at her.
The embarassed lady moved herself to the next seat. Then the man burst with laughter.
She went to Court and sued him for damages.
In his defense, the man told the Judge, "My Lord! If you were in my place, you would have done the same thing."
The judge, for the sake of the case, got on the bus, at the same stop, and the scene was reinacted.
The Judge could not control his laughter and dismissed the case.
The advertisement display board above the first seat for a shaving stick soap Company read, "Williams stick did the trick."
The advertisement display board above the second seat for Dunlop Tyre Company read, "Rubber Goods would have saved the trouble."

There was this kid who wanted to divorce his parents, so he takes them to court.The judge says, "do you want to live with your dad?" the kid says "no! he beats me!". The judge says,"you want to live with your mom?" "no! she beats me too!".So the judge says, "who do you want to live with then?"The kid says, "The Cleveland Browns...they can't beat anybody!"