Judges Jokes / Recent Jokes

Bye-Bye Doggie

One day a community decided that they wanted to find out who's got the most talented dog. So three people showed up. When the judges were ready, they asked a young boy with a golden retriever, "What can your dog do?" The boy replied,"My dog can sit and stick his head out the window without drooling." Then a second girl came in with a poodle and said, "We'll my dog can shake hands and stick her head through the car window and sing!"
While they were arguing over whose dog's the best, a boy walked in the room crying, holding a collar in his hand, but no dog was with him. The judges said, "Where's your dog?" The boy said, "He stuck his head out the window."

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Biblical Ways of Getting a Wife

The Top 16 Biblical Ways To Acquire A Wife16. Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new clothes. Then she's yours. - Deuteronomy 2115. Find a prostitute and marry her. - Hosea (Hosea 1)14. Find a woman with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his flock.. - Moses (Exodus 2)13. Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal. - Boaz (Ruth 4)12. Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab one and carry her off to be your wife. - Benjaminites (Judges 21)11. Have God create a wife for you while you sleep. Note: this will cost you a rib. - Adam (Genesis 2)10. Agree to work seven years in exchange for a woman's hand in marriage. Get tricked into marrying the wrong woman. Then work another seven years for the woman you wanted to marry in the first place. That's right. Fourteen years of toil for a woman. - Jacob (Genesis 29)9. Cut off 50 foreskins off of your future father-in-law's enemies more...

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"We Have All Of The Judges."

An attorney passed on and found himself in heaven, but not at all happy with his accommodations. He complained to St. Peter, who told him that his only recourse was to appeal his assignment. The attorney immediately advised that he intended to appeal, but was then told that he would be waiting at least three years before his appeal could be heard. The attorney protested that a three year wait was unconscionable, but his words fell on deaf ears. The lawyer was then approached by the devil, who told him that he would be able to arrange an appeal to be heard in a few days, if the attorney was willing to change venue to Hell. When the attorney asked why appeals could be heard so much sooner in Hell, he was told, "We have all of the judges."

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The three dogs

(This joke is from a professor who refered to lawyers as the second
oldest profession:)
There once was a dog show to determine the world's smartest dog. Three
dogs were in the finals. One dog belonged to a doctor. One dog belonged
to an engineer. And, one dog belonged to a lawyer.
For the finals each dog was given a bag of bones to see what it could
make.
The doctor said, "Stethascope, go!" The dog built a human skeleton.
The judges were ready to award the trophy right then. But, they decided
to give the other dogs a try.
The engineer said, "Slide-rule, go!" (So, its an old joke.) The dog built
a suspension bridge.
The judges were beside themselves. Which dog would they pick?
The lawyer said. "Loop-hole, go!" The dog ate the bones, got a percentage
of all the tolls from the bridge and screwed the other two dogs.