Juice Jokes / Recent Jokes

Meeter's Kraut Juice (Stokely USA): Yes, that's sauerkraut juice, which is even worse than it sounds. The taste and smell can be a bit, well, harsh, but KJ is reputed by its fans to have certain medicinal benefits (as a source of vitamin C, cure for intestinal bugs, etc.), which adds up to a classic case of the cure being worse than the disease.
Guycan Corned Mutton with Juices Added (Bedessee Imports): The best thing about this Uruguayan canned good is the very pouty-looking sheep on the package label - he seems to be saying, "Go on, eat me already." The second-best thing is the presence of both "cooked mutton" and "mutton" in the ingredients listing, which would seem to have all the mutton bases covered.
Armour Pork Brains in Milk Gravy (Dial Corp.): If you're really looking to clog up those arteries in a hurry, you'll be pleased to learn that a single serving of pork brains has 1,170 percent of our recommended daily cholesterol intake. All the more...

A father, visiting America, from Europe for the very first time, goes up and down the isles with his son at the local Giant Food Store.

"Vas diss? Powdered Orange Juice?"

"Yeh, Dad. You just add a little water, and you have fresh' orange juice.'". .. A few minutes later, in a different aisle. .. "Und vas dis? Powdered milk?? "

"Yeh, Dad. You just add a little water, and you have fresh milk!". .. A few minutes later, in a different aisle. .. "Und give a look here! Baby Powder! Vat a country, vat a country!"

He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life - that is, until the ship sank. He found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing; only bananas and coconuts. After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore. In disbelief, he asks, “Where did you come from? How did you get here? ”
She replies, “I rowed from the other side of the island. I landed here when my cruise ship sank. ”
“Amazing, ” he notes. “You were really lucky to have a row boat wash up with you. ”
“Oh, this thing? ” explains the woman. “I made the boat out of raw material I found on the island. The oars were whittled from gum tree branches. I wove the bottom from palm branches, and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree. ”
“But, where did you get the tools? ”
“Oh, that was no problem, ” replied the woman. “On the south side more...

Ingredients

1 Cup water
8 oz mixed nuts
1 Cup brown sugar
1 Cup butter
1 tsp. Salt
2 Cup dried fruit
4 large Eggs
Juice of 1 lemon
1 tea spoon baking powder
1 bottle bourbon

Method

Sample the bourbon to check quality.
Take a large bowl.
Re-sample the bourbon to ensure it is of the highest quality.
Pour one cup and drink. Repeat.
Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy
bowl.
Add one tsp sugar and beat again.
Make sure the bourbon is still okay. Cry another tup.
Turn on the mixerer.
Break two eggs and add to the bowl, chuck in the dried fruit.
Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry
it loos with a drewscriver.
Sample the bourbon to check for tonsiscency.
Next sift two cups of salt, or something. Who cares?
Check the bourbon.
Now sift the lemon juice and strain your more...

A young woman was in the hospital, recovering from major surgery. She hated being stuck in the tiny little room all day and to make matters worse, the daily routine was starting to get to her. Every morning, for example, the nurse would bring her breakfast (which always consisted of an egg, piece of toast, and glass of apple juice). She would then return a little bit later to empty the urine bottle. And so it continued... Finally, one morning, she decided to have a little fun. She ate the eggs and the toast, but went to the bathroom where she cleaned the urine bottle out, then poured the apple juice into it. When the nurse returned later that morning, he took a look at the bottle and a frown came over his face." Obviously, you enjoyed your breakfast, but something must be wrong because this looks a little cloudy," he said, pointing to the urine bottle." Oh, really?" she replied, picking up the bottle in question and putting it to her lips. "In that case, we'd more...

The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet: The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze out one more drop of juice would win the money.

Many people had tried over time (weight lifters, longshoremen, etc.) but nobody could do it.

One day a scrawny little man came in, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit, and said in a tiny, squeaky voice, "I'd like to try the bet."

After the laughter died down, the bartender said OK, grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man.

But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1000, and asked the little man, "What do you do for a living? Are you a more...

Ingredients:
1 cup water 2 cups dried fruit 1 cup brown sugar
1 cup sugar 1 tsp salt 8 oz nuts
4 large eggs 1 tsp baking soda juice of 1 lemon
1 bottle of whisky
Method:
Sample whisky to check its quality.
Take a large bowl. Re-check the whisky to ensure it is of the highest quality. Pour one level
cup and drink.
Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon
of sugar and beat again.
Make sure the whisky is still okay and cry another tup.
Turn off the mixerer. Break two eggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the dried fruit. Mix
on the turner, and if the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with
a drewscriver.
Sample the whisky to check for tonisisticity.
Next sift two cups of salt, or something. Who cares? Check the whisky.
Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or
something. Whatever you can more...