Juice Jokes / Recent Jokes

Ingedients
1 teaspoon sugar
2 bottles rum
1 cup dried mixed fruit
2 cups brown sugar
1 teaspoon soda
1 cup butter
2 large eggs
1/2 cup baking powder
1 ounce lemon juice
1/2 pound mixed nuts
Before starting, sample the rum to check quality. It must be just right.
To be sure rum is of proper quality, pour level cup of rum into a glass and drink it as fast as you can. Repeat.
With electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 seaspoon of thugar and beat again.
Meanwhile, make sure rum is still OK all right. Try another cup. Open second bottle, ifffxx necessary.
Sample rum again.
Next, sift 3 cups pepper of salt, really doesn't matter. Sample rum. Sift 1/2 pint lemon juice. Fold in chopped butter and strained nuts. Add a bablespoon of brown thugar, or whatever color you can find. Wix mel.
Greese oven. Turn cake pan to 350 degrees. Pour mess into boven and ake. Check rum and go to bed.

Q: Why did the blonde stare at a frozen orange juice can for 2 hours?A: Because it said' concentrate'.

A father and his three beautiful, blonde, daughters went into a hotel to stay for the night. When the daughters went to check in, they saw a really good looking bell boy. The father caught the three girls looking at him and he threatened to kill the bell boy if he did anything at all with them. So the bell boy minded his own business and ignored the girls.
While he was working ever so diligently, the eldest daughter goes up to him and says, "If you don't do it with me in bed, I will pour red juice on the sheets of my bed and tell my father that you popped my cherry."
Fearing for his life, he did it with her.
Then he saw the beautiful middle daughter in the hallway and she too walked over to him and said, "If you don't do it with me, I'll pour red juice on my bed and tell my father that you popped my cherry."
Again fearing for his life, he agreed.
Later that evening the youngest blonde daughter saw him. She walked up to him and said, "If you more...

The local bar was so sure that its bartender was teh strongest man around that they offered a standing bet for $1000.00
The bartender would sqeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, then hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze out one more drop of juice would win the money.
Many people had tried over time (weight lifters, long-shoremen, etc.), but nobody could do it.
One day this scrawny little man came into the bar, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit, and said, in a tiny squeaky voice, "I'd like to try the bet."
After the laughter had died down, the bartender said okay, grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man.
But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass.
As the crowd cheered the bartender paid the man the $1000, and asked the little man, "What do you do for a more...

The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a Rs 10,000 bet.
The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money.
. Many people like weightlifters, wrestlers, body builders, etc had tried over time, but nobody could do it.
One day this scrawny little man came in, wearing thick glasses and a safari suit, and said in a tiny, squeaky voice, "I'd like to try the bet."
After the laughter had died down, the bartender said OK, grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man.
But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and 5-6 drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the Rs 10,000, and asked the little man, "What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, more...

The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1,000.00 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried over time (weightlifters, longshoremen, etc.) but nobody could do it. One day this scrawny little man came in, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit, and said in a tiny, squeaky voice, "I'd like to try the bet." After the laughter had died down, the bartender said OK, grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man. But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1,000.00, and asked the little man, "what do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weightlifter, or more...

The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet.
The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron.
Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money.
Many people had tried over time (weight-lifters, longshoremen, etc.) but nobody could do it.
One day this scrawny little man came into the bar, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit, and said in a tiny squeaky voice "I'd like to try the bet"
After the laughter had died down, the bartender said OK, grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man.
But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass!!
As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1000, and asked the little man "what do you do for a living? Are you a more...