Julie Jokes / Recent Jokes

Dearest Ms Julie Yeh,
I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in love with
you since the 14th of October (Sunday). With reference to the meeting
held between us on the 13th of Oct. at 1500 hrs, I would like to present
myself as a prospective lover.
Our love affair would be on probation for a period of three
months and depending on compatibility, would be made permanent. Of
course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous on the job
training and performance appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from
lover to spouse.
The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would
initially be shared equally between us. Later, based on your performance,
I might take up a larger share of the expenses. However I am broadminded
enough, to be taken care of, on your expense account.
I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving
this letter, failing which, this offer would be cancelled more...

How to Make a Telemarketer Go Away1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money. Ask, "How long can I keep it? Do I have to ever pay it back, or is it like the other money I borrowed before my bankruptcy?" 2. If you get one of those pushy people who won't shut up, just listen to their sales pitch. When they try to close the sale, tell them that you'll need to go get your credit card. Then, just set the phone down and go do laundry, shopping or whatever. See how long that commission based scum waits for you to get your credit card. 3. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "Why do you want to know?" Or you can say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one seems to care these days and I have all these problems, my sciatica is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died...." When they try to get back to the sales process, just continue on with telling about your more...

Julie: What time is it? Counsellor: Three oclock. Julie: Oh, no! Counsellor: Whats the matter? Julie: Ive been asking the time all day. And everybody gives me a different answer!

Julie, the blonde, was getting pretty desperate for money. She decided to go to the nicer, richer neighborhoods around town and look for odd jobs as a handy woman.
The first house she came to, a man answered the door and told Julie,"Yeah, I have a job for you. How would you like to paint the porch?"
"Sure that sounds great!" said Julie.
"Well, how much do you want me to pay you?" asked the man.
"Is fifty bucks all right?" Julie asked.
"Yeah, great. You'll find the paint and ladders you'll need in the garage."
The man went back into his house to his wife who had been listening.
"Fifty bucks! Does she know the porch goes all the way around the house?" asked the wife.
"Well, she must, she was standing right on it!" her husband replied.
About 45 minutes later, Julie knocked on the door. "I'm all finished," she told the surprised homeowner. The man was more...

"For Heaven's sake, Chris, why can't you talk to me once in a while?" Julie whined.
"What?" Chris replied.
"Look around!" Julie yelled, as she pointed around the room. "Look at all these books! You always have your head buried in a book! You don't even seem to know I'm alive!"
"I'm sorry, honey," Chris said.
"Sometimes I wish I were a book. Maybe then you'd at least look at me!" Julie exclaimed.
"Hmmmm," Chris mumbled, "that's not such a bad idea. Then I could take you to the library every few days and change you for something more interesting."

A blonde by the name of Julie was getting pretty desperate for money. So she decided to go to the richer part of town and try to get a job as a handywoman. She rang the doorbell at the first house she came to, and a man answered the door. She asked if there were any odd jobs she could do, and he replied, "Well, actually, we need the porch painted-how much do you want?" Julie said she felt $50 was fair. He replied, "OK, the ladders, paint, and other tools you need are in the garage." When the man closed the door, his wife, who had overheard the conversation asked him, "$50?!? Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She must have, she was standing right on it." About 45 minutes later, the doorbell rings again, and the man is surprised to find Julie there. She tells him that she's done, and states that she even had enough paint to do two coats. As the man is reaching into his wallet to pay her, Julie more...

How to Make a Telemarketer Go Away1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money. Ask, "How long can I keep it? Do I have to ever pay it back, or is it like the other money I borrowed before my bankruptcy?" 2. If you get one of those pushy people who won't shut up, just listen to their sales pitch. When they try to close the sale, tell them that you'll need to go get your credit card. Then, just set the phone down and go do laundry, shopping or whatever. See how long that commission based scum waits for you to get your credit card. 3. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "Why do you want to know?" Or you can say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one seems to care these days and I have all these problems, my sciatica is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died...." When they try to get back to the sales process, just continue on with telling about your more...