Jumping Jokes / Recent Jokes
The other day my neighbour, who is blonde, came running up to me in the driveway jumping for joy! I didn't know why she was jumping so excitedly
but I thought,' what the heck', and I starting jumping up and down along with her.
She said, "I have some really great news!"
I said, "Great. Tell me why you're so happy."
She stopped jumping and breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down, told me that she was pregnant. I knew she'd been trying for a while so I told her, "That's great I couldn't be happier for you!"
Then she said, "There's more!"
I asked, "What do you mean there's more."
She said, "Well, we are not having just one baby. We are going to have TWINS!"
Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, I asked her how she knew.
She said.... "Well, that was the easy part. I went to Wal-Mart and they actually had a home pregnancy kit in a TWIN-pack. Both more...
Q: How do you stop a black kid from jumping on the bed?
A: Put velcro on the ceiling.
Q: How do you get him down?
A: Blind fold two mexican kids and tell them he's a pinata.
Q: How do you stop a black kid from jumping on the bed? A: Put velcro on the ceiling.Q: How do you get him down? A: Blind fold two mexican kids and tell them he's a pinata.
Compiled by Harold Reynolds and updated on December 6, 1994
1. Introduction
The following is a manual of guidelines for the busy cat(s) who will have a house to manage after adopting one or more humans. It is, of course, impossible to cover all possible situations, as those humans are always up to some sort of mischief, but the compiler and contributors to this guide have endeavoured to cover as wide a variety of topics as possible. It is important that this document be kept out of the hands of humans, who will undoubtedly find a way to use it to their advantage.
2. Food
In order to get the energy to sleep, play, and hamper, a cat must eat. Eating, however, is only half the fun. The other half is getting the food. Cats have two ways to obtain food: convincing a human you are starving to death and must be fed now; and hunting for it oneself. The following are some guidelines for getting fed.
a) When the humans are eating, make sure more...
A brunette was on some train tracks jumping up and down saying,"14, 14, 14..."
A blonde walked up and asked, "What are you doing?"
"Jumping up and down on the train tracks."
"Can I join you?"
"Sure." so the brunette resumed her jumping up and down with the blonde. Soon a train approached. The two continued jumping, but at the last minute, the brunette jumped out of the path of the train. The blonde was squashed.
After the train had passed, the brunette got back on the train tracks, jumping up and down saying, "15, 15, 15..."
I once tried to commit suicide by jumping off a building. I changed my mind at the last minute, so I just flipped over and landed on my feet. Two little kittens nearby saw what happened and one turned to the other and said, "See, that`s how it`s done."