Jumps Jokes / Recent Jokes

Four guys were in an airplane, which was going down in flames. There were only 3 parachutes, though.
The reverand says "I should go! everybody needs religion!" they agree and he jumps.
Another guy says "I'm the smartest man on earth! If I die, everyone goes broke!" so he jumps.
The old guy says to the hipee "I am old, and you have a whole life ahead of you, so you jump."
But the hipee replies "Chill dude! We can both go! the smartest man on earth forgot the parachute!"

This is what cats have scheduled around the clock! You indoor cat owners can agree with me!
12:00 AM: The cat gets hungry hops on to nearest human attempts to wake human up to feed the cat!
1:00 AM: After human feeds the cat at midnight, the cat gets a surge of energy and has a sudden need to play!! Cat then jumps up and down on human`s chest as a use for entertainment.
3:06 AM: After the human throws the cat off the bed, the cat jumps back up on the bed and finds the human's toes as a new toy.
3:10 AM: After the human kicks the cat off the bed, the cat gets angry and storms out of the room.
4:00 AM: Human goes to the bathroom. Cats find this a great opportunity to show affection for human. When human returns to the bedroom he finds the cat totally stretched out in the right across the dead center of the bed. After human throws cat into basement the cat feels upset and hurt. Cat claws and meows at the door in order to get the huma

Four guys were in an airplane, which was going down in flames. There were only 3 parachutes, though.The reverand says "I should go! everybody needs religion!" they agree and he jumps.Another guy says "I'm the smartest man on earth! If I die, everyone goes broke!" so he jumps.The old guy says to the hipee "I am old, and you have a whole life ahead of you, so you jump."But the hipee replies "Chill dude! We can both go! the smartest man on earth forgot the parachute!"

There was an englishman irishman and a scotsman who worked on a buildin site.
it was time for their dinner so the englishman opened his bait box and said "if i get cheese sandwiches tommorrow i will throw myself off that bridge" the scotsman and irishman say the same
so the next day comes and the englishman has cheese sandwiches so he jumps off the bridge
the scotsman looks and he also has cheese sandwiches so he jumps off the bridge and the irishman looks and he also has cheese sandwiches so he jumps off the bridge
at the funeral the wives meet up and the englishmans wife says "i could of just made him another kind of sandwich" the scotsmans wife says i would of got another kind of cheese" the irishmans wife says i do not know why he jumped he made his own sandwiches.

An Englishman, Frenchman, Mexican, and Texan were flying across country on a small plane when the pilot comes on the loud speaker and says "We`re having mechanical problems and the only way we can make it to the next airport is for 3 of you to open the door and jump, at least one of you can survive"The four open the door and look out below. The Englishman takes a deep breath and hollers "God Save The Queen" and jumps.The Frenchman gets really inspired and hollers "Viva La France" and he also jumps.This really pumps up the Texan so he hollers "Remember the Alamo" and he grabs the Mexican and throws him out of the plane.

An Englishman, Frenchman, Mexican, and Texan were flying across country on a small plane when the pilot comes on the loud speaker and says " We're having mechanical problems and the only way we can make it to the next airport is for 3 of you to open the door and jump, at least one of you can survive" The four open the door and look out below. The Englishman takes a deep breath and hollers "God Save The Queen" and jumps. The Frenchman gets really inspired and hollers "Viva La France" and he also jumps. This really pumps up the Texan so he hollers "Remember the Alamo" and he grabs the Mexican and throws him out of the plane.

Here are some basic descriptions of what may happen if airplanes had different operating systems running them.

DOS: Everybody pushes it till it glides, then jumps on and lets it coast till it skids, then jumps off, pushes, jumps back on, etc.

DOS with QEMM: Same as DOS, but with more leg room for pushing.

Macintosh: All the flight attendants, captains and baggage handlers look the same, act the same and talk the same. Every time you ask a question, you are told you don't need to know, don't want to know and everything will be done for you without your knowing, so just shut up.

OS/2: To get on board, you have to have your ticket stamped 10 different times by standing in 10 different lines. Then you fill out a form asking how you want your seating arranged--with the look and feel of an ocean liner, a passenger train or a bus. If you get on board and off the ground, you will have a wonderful trip, except when the rudder and flaps freeze, in more...