Keith Jokes

Keith Richards has been cast to portray Captain Jack Sparrow's (Johnny Depp) father in the third "Pirates of the Carribean" movie, in a move welcomed by everyone except the screenwriter who replied, "How the HELL do I write dialogue for someone who mumbles incoherently?" The studio added to the challenge by casting Bob Dylan as Sparrow's uncle.

Legendary football announcer Keith Jackson was in Texas to announce a college football game when he noticed a special telephone near the Longhorn's bench. He asked a nearby Texas player what it was for, and was told that it was the "hotline to God."
Keith asked if he could use it. The player told him, "Sure, but it will cost you $10."
Keith scratched his head and thought, "What the heck, I need a break picking games." He pulled out his wallet and paid the $10. Keith was perfect that week with his football picks.
The next week Mr. Jackson was in Florida when he noticed the same kind of telephone on the FSU bench. He again asked what the telephone was for and was told, "It's the hotline to God. If you want to use it, it'll cost you $10."
Recalling the prior week, Keith pulled out his wallet and made the call. Keith was again perfect calling games.
The next weekend Mr. Jackson was in Nebraska at Memorial Stadium, when he noticed more...

This article came from a fellow named Keith Wortham.
In anticipation of a PC MAGAZINE review of the well promoted but NON-AVAILABLE Microsoft Windows 4. 0, he went ahead and wrote it in the typical "objective" style the magazine usually uses with Microsoft products. He is planning to submit it to the magazine before they can come out with their own bubbly "review" of the promised product.
As you know, the magazine carries big ads for Microsoft. From what I am told, ZIFF-DAVIS, which owns PC MAGAZINE, ALSO OWNS A SUBSIDIARY THAT HAS THE MARKETING ACCOUNT FOR MICROSOFT! (Does that strike you as a bit of a CONFLICT OF INTEREST, and ample incentive for total "non-objectivity?")
Quoting Keith Wortham:
"The latest issue of PC Magazine contains the exciting and long awaited news that there will be an article on Windows 4. 0 appearing in the next issue. To save those of you who do not subscribe from having to buy the magazine, we thought more...

Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Keith.
Keith who?
Keith me and find out. Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Keith.
Keith who?
Keith your hands off of me!

My roommate and I often play a game called "Fantasy Fist Fight." We got the idea from an episode of "Venture Bros." in which two of The Monarch's henchmen argue whether Lizzie Borden could beat up Anne Frank. To play, you choose anyone or anything: living, dead, real, not real, human, inhuman, and pit them against each other in a no-holds barred fight to the finish. Test your fantasy fist fight knowledge below!
1) Boba Fett Vs. Dog the Bounty Hunter
2) David Bowie Vs. The Marquis De Sade
3) Keith Moon Vs. The Loch Ness Monster (Moon gets a broadsword)


answers:
1) Boba Fett has a reputation for fighting to the finish, while Dog is older and would probably weaken first. Fett has galactic bounty hunter training while Dog only takes down fat polonesian dudes. Fett wins and Dog is brought to Cloud City in Carbonite.
2) Bowie holds up well for a while, but is ultimately overtaken by the Marquis' drive to kill Bowie and masturbate into more...