Key Jokes / Recent Jokes
10. The dog chewed through my monitor cable and now I can't read my e-mail.
9. I type with the two-finger "hunt' n peck" system and spend all my time "hunting".
8. I have a rare disease, "Terminal Procrastination".
7. You mean my PC can really reply to your Mac?
6. I'm so far behind, I don't open my e-mail anymore.
5. I spilled hot tomato soup in my keyboard and only the delete key works now.
4. I work for the U.S. Post Office and we find e-mail too threatening.
3. I'm waiting until my "Inbox" has 1,000,000 e-mails.
2. I play computer games 24 hours a day and don't have time to reply to e-mail.
1. I try, but it says to press any key. My keyboard doesn't have an "any" key!!!
Any time you feel dumb, don’t worry. Check out the following excerpts from a “Wall Street Journal” article by Jim Carlton. Lots of people are dumber than you.
1. Compaq is considering changing the command “Press Any Key” to “Press Return Key” because of the many calls asking where the “Any” key is.
2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.
3. Another Compaq technician received a call from a man complaining that the system wouldn’t read word processing files from his old diskettes. After trouble-shooting for magnets and heat failed to diagnose the problem, it was found that the customer labeled the diskettes by rolling them into a typewriter to type on them.
4. Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with Xeroxed copies more...
Unleash the Power of Shift! Q: My shift keys have little arrows on them. Does that mean the *real* shift keys are located above them, and these keys are just little signs to point them out? A: Nope, they're the Real McCoy. The little arrows mean "up", as in "look up at the screen". Your keyboard is telling you to learn to touch type and quit staring at your fingers. Q: What happens if I press both shift keys? A: Even bigger letters may show up on your screen. You should not use this feature, however, because these letters are also brighter, and may cause Screen Burn-In, which would be particularly embarrassing if you were typing something naughty at the time. You might consider obtaining the author's Shift Key Burn-In Protector program for only $139. 95. Or you might not, it's your computer, but don't say I didn't warn you. Q: My religion prohibits the use of shift keys. how can i type capital letters and punctuationA: Discuss alternatives to the shift key with more...
Once, Santa And Banta Came Home After An Exausting Day. They Reached The Multistoried Building With Their House On The 100th Floor. Santa(On The 25th Floor): Banta, We Forgot Something.
Banta: What?
Santa: Wait Till The 25th Floor.
They Reach The 25th Floor Banta(Panting): Now Tell Me.
Santa: Let's Reach Our Home First Banta(On The Door Of Their Home): Now Tell
Santa: We Left The Key Of The Door At The Reception On The 1st Floor
The job security quiz will help judge how long you'll end up at your current job and what will become of you.
The boss appears at your cubicle and finds you playing DOOM at your desk, you...
A. Swear to take the game off your hard drive forever, but first make a copy for his kid.
B. Inform him that you're planting a virus in the program so that everyone who plays it on company time will get reported to Human Resources.
C. Tell him that whatever he wants will have to wait until you've finished the level.
There's a cush job opening in the mail department, stuffing envelopes with free samples. It pays twice as much as your current position. What do you do?
A. Meekly suggest to your boss that transferring you might improve the morale of everyone who's been working with you.
B. Politely ask your boss for a transfer and offer to split the salary increase 50/50 with him.
C. Barge into your bosses office and demand reassignment so that you, "Won't more...
Las Vegas -
An accused car thief might have earned an "A" for effort, but he was arrested anyway. Recently, detectives from the repeat offender unit spotted a suspected car thief - identified as Juliano Rosado, 29 - in a new car with a temporary license tag.
A quick call to the dealer revealed the car had been stolen. When the man parked the car, detectives obtained a duplicate key and took the car back. When the man came out of his home, he looked in vain but couldn't find the stolen car.
Police say he then went to another car dealership and stole a pickup truck. The results were the same: Detectives watched him drive off in the truck, then used a spare key to recover the vehicle after the suspect parked and entered a pawnshop. "When he came out he started looking up the street, waiting to see the truck, you could see his shoulders slump when he saw it wasn't there," police said.
Undaunted, he took a public bus to a more...
Confucius say...
Woman who cooks beans and peas in same pot very unsanitary.
Man who fart in church sit in own pew.
Baseball very funny game--man with 4 balls no can walk!!
Woman who dance while wearing jock strap have make believe ballroom.
Man who fly plane upside down have crackup.
Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day.
Woman who ride bicycle in city pedal ass all over town.
Secretary not permanent, till screwed on desk.
A girl's best asset is her' lie'ability.
Support bacteria -- it's the only culture some people have!
Man who run behind car get exhausted.
Man who eat jellybean fart in technicolor.
Man who go to bed with itchy butt wake with smelly finger.
Baby conceived on back seat of car with automatic transmission grow up to be shiftless bastard.
Boy who go to bed with sex problem wake up with solution in hand.
Kotex not best thing on earth, but next to best thing.
Man who marries a more...