Key Jokes / Recent Jokes
The job security quiz will help judge how long you'll end up at your current job and what will become of you. The boss appears at your cubicle and finds you playing DOOM at your desk, you... A. Swear to take the game off your hard drive forever, but first make a copy for his kid. B. Inform him that you're planting a virus in the program so that everyone who plays it on company time will get reported to Human Resources. C. Tell him that whatever he wants will have to wait until you've finished the level. There's a cush job opening in the mail department, stuffing envelopes with free samples. It pays twice as much as your current position. What do you do? A. Meekly suggest to your boss that transferring you might improve the morale of everyone who's been working with you. B. Politely ask your boss for a transfer and offer to split the salary increase 50/50 with him. C. Barge into your bosses office and demand reassignment so that you, "Won't have to work under someone who should more...
Microsoft Corporation has just announced a new PC keyboard designed specifically for Windows. In addition to the keys found on the standard keyboard, Microsoft's new design adds several new keys which will make your Windows computing even more fun! The final specs are not yet set, so please feel free to make suggestions. The keys proposed so far are: GPF key - This key will instantly generate a General Protection Fault when pressed. Microsoft representatives state that the purpose of the GPF key is to save Windows users time by eliminating the need to run an application in order to produce a General Protection Fault. $$ key - When this key is pressed, money is transferred automatically from your bank account to Microsoft without the need for further action or third party intervention. ZD key - This key was developed specifically for reviewers of Microsoft products. When pressed it inserts random superlative adjectives in any text which contains the words Microsoft or Windows within more...
Compaq is considering changing the command “Press Any Key” to “Press Return Key” because of the flood of calls asking where the “Any” key is.
Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes.
A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with photocopies of the floppies.
Another Dell customer called to say he couldn’t get his computer to fax anything.
After 40 minutes of troubleshooting, the technician discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor screen and hitting the “send” key.
A confused caller to IBM was having troubles printing documents. He told the technician that the computer had said it “couldn’t find printer. ” The user has also tried turning the computer screen to face the printer but that his computer still couldn’t “see” the printer.
True story from a Novell Net Wire Sysop:
Caller: “Hello, is this Tech Support? more...
Confucius say... Woman who cooks beans and peas in same pot very unsanitary. Man who fart in church sit in own pew. Baseball very funny game--man with 4 balls no can walk!! Woman who dance while wearing jock strap have make believe ballroom. Man who fly plane upside down have crackup. Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day. Woman who ride bicycle in city pedal ass all over town. Secretary not permanent, till screwed on desk. A girl's best asset is her' lie'ability. Support bacteria -- it's the only culture some people have! Man who run behind car get exhausted. Man who eat jellybean fart in technicolor. Man who go to bed with itchy butt wake with smelly finger. Baby conceived on back seat of car with automatic transmission grow up to be shiftless bastard. Boy who go to bed with sex problem wake up with solution in hand. Kotex not best thing on earth, but next to best thing. Man who marries a girl with no bust has right to feel low down. Man with atletic finger make broad jump. more...
Computer users are divided into three types:
Novice, Intermediate and Expert.
Novice Users - People who are afraid that simply pressing a key might break their computer.
Intermediate Users - People who don`t know how to fix their computer after they`ve just pressed a key that broke it.
Expert Users - People who press the keys that break other people`s computers.
Man walking through airport door sideways going to Bangkok. Woman who cooks beans and peas in same pot very unsanitary. Man who fart in church sit in own pew. Baseball very funny game--man with 4 balls no can walk!! Woman who dance while wearing jock strap have make believe ballroom. Man who fly plane upside down have crackup. Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day. Secretary not permanent, till screwed on desk. A girl's best asset is her' lie'ability. Support bacteria -- it's the only culture some people have! Man who run behind car get exhausted. Man who eat jellybean fart in technicolor. Man who go to bed with itchy butt wake with smelly finger. Baby conceived on back seat of car with automatic transmission grow up to be shiftless bastard. Boy who go to bed with sex problem wake up with solution in hand. Kotex not best thing on earth, but next to best thing. Man with athletic finger make broad jump. He who fishes in another man's well often catches crab. Man who speaks with more...
All the good knights were leaving for the Crusades. One knight told his best friend - "My bride is without doubt one of the most beautiful women in the world. It would be a terrible waste if no man could have her. Therefore, as my best and most trusted friend, I am leaving you the key to her chastity belt to use should I not return from the Crusade." The company of knights were only a mile or so out of town when they noticed a cloud of dust approaching. Thinking it might be an important message from the town the column halted. A horseman approached. It was the knight's best friend. He yelss - "Hey, you gave me the wrong key!!"