Kick Jokes / Recent Jokes

Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.
Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to the face.
When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
There are no steroids in baseball. Just players Chuck Norris has breathed on.
Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.
Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries.
Chuck Norris sheds his skin twice a year.
When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesnt get charged. He more...

You think about Korean martial arts everyday. You begin to sprinkle Korean words and phrases into your conversation. You have a Korean dictionary which you never use. When you see a magazine rack you quickly check for new martial arts magazines first and read the articles on Korean martial arts first. You always make it a point to check the martial arts section of the bookstore and look for Korean martial arts books first. You shop for clothes based on your ability to high kick in them. Adidas is your favorite sports clothing brand. You sewed your school patch onto your bathrobe. You tie your monogrammed bathrobe belt (which you never wash) into a square knot and then check to make sure the ends are exactly even. You open the refrigerator door with a roundhouse kick and shut it with a side kick. You develop a taste for Korean food and other Asian food as well. You develop an interest in Korean members of the opposite sex. You look more to your sabumnim/kwanjangnim for guidance and more...

A big city lawyer was out duck hunting in rural Arizona. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell on the other side of a fence into a farmer's field. Just as the lawyer climbed over the fence, an old farmer drove up on his tractor and asked the lawyer what he thought he was doing.
"The duck I shot fell into this field, so I'm going to retrieve it," replied the lawyer.
"Listen, mister, this is my property and you're not coming over here," snarled the old farmer.
"Look, old man, I happen to be one of the best trial attorneys in the country, and either you let me get that duck or I'll sue you and take everything you own," demanded the lawyer.
"Looks like you don't know how we do things in these parts," said the farmer. "Around here we settle little disagreements like this with the Three Kick Rule."
"What's the Three Kick Rule?" asked the lawyer.
"Well, first I kick you three times, then you kick me more...

Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with fourteen times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.
When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris kills anyone that asks, "You want fries with that" because by now everyone should know that Chuck doesn't ever want fries with anything. Ever.
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.
Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a Chuck Norris glare will liquefy your kidneys.
Human cloning is outlawed because if Chuck Norris were cloned, then it would be possible for a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to meet another chuck Norris roundhouse kick. Physicists theorize that this contact would end the universe.
Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but more...

Do you wake up Saturday mornings stiff and sore? Is another night like Friday night the only thing that will make you feel better? Do you workout alone? Do you find that once you've thrown a jab, you can't stop until you've followed it with a reverse punch? If so, you may be (gasp!!) HOOKED ON KARATE. How do you know? Here are a few clues. You know you're hooked when the first word out of your parrot's mouth is KIAI!, and you teach your cat how to free spar. You know you're hooked when you have more bruises than a roller derby queen, and you still go back for more. You know you're hooked when you shut the refrigerator door with a side thrust kick. You know you're hooked when you shop for clothes based on whether you can kick in them. You know you're hooked when the only clothes you'll wear are gis. You know you're hooked when you actually crave a beach workout. You know you're hooked when the books on your night stand are by authors like Gichin Funakoshi, Hirokazu Kanazawa and Musashi more...

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in South Louisiana. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going into retrieve it."
The old farmer replied. "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."
The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the U.S. and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."
The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do things in Louisiana. We rule ourselves under the Napoleonic Code. We settle small disagreements like this with the Louisiana Three Kick Rule."
The lawyer asked, "What is the Louisiana Three Kick Rule?" The farmer replied. "Well, first I kick you three more...

You find yourself casually standing in a cat stance. You trip, go into a roll and come up in a fighting stance. In church. You answer your boss Ussss. You put your hands together in a martial arts bow position (one hand open the other closed) after grace at the dinner table. You tie your bathrobe belt in a square knot. Then check to make sure the ends are exactly even. You accept change from the cashier using a perfect knife hand with the thumb carefully tucked in. Every time you handle a screwdriver or razor knife, etc., you just can't help changing grip from hammer to reverse to flip over to dagger grip etc. And your shop help is standing cautiously far, far away from you. When you're outside doing landscaping/gardening you "practice" with all the neat weapons. The first word out of your parrot's mouth is KIAI! and you teach your cat how to free spar. You shut the refrigerator door with a side thrust kick. You shop for clothes based on whether you can kick in them. The more...