Kick Jokes / Recent Jokes

NICKNAMES:
If Gloria, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle go out for lunch, they will call each other Gloria, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle. But if Mike, Phil, Rob and Jack go out for a brewsky, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Useless.
DINING OUT:
And when the check comes, Mike, Phil, Rob and Jack will each throw in $20 bills, even though it's only for $22. 50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their check, out come the pocket calculators.
BATHROOMS:
A man has six items in his bathroom -- a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
GROCERIES:
A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes out to the store and buys these things. A man waits till the only more...

The animals were bored. Finally, the lion had an idea. “I know a really exciting game that the humans play called football. I’ve seen it on T. V. ”
He proceeded to describe it to the rest of the animals and they all got excited about it so they decided to play. They went out to the field and chose up teams and were ready to begin.
The lion’s team received. They were able to get two first downs and then had to punt. The mule punted and the rhino was back deep for the kick. He caught the ball, lowered his head and charged. First, he crushed a roadrunner, then two rabbits. He gored a wildebeast, knocked over two cows, and broke through to daylight, scoring six.
Unfortunately, they lacked a placekicker, and the score remained 6 - 0.
Late in the first half the lion’s team scored a touchdown and the mule kicked the extra point. The lion’s team led at halftime 7 - 6. In the locker room, the lion gave a peptalk.
“Look you guys. We can win this game. more...

A lady was married to this brute of a man who always beat and kicked her. On top of all that, when they did have sex, it was no good. So, she decided she was tired of him and got a divorce.
A couple days after the divorce finalized she placed an ad in the paper that read: "WANTED. Husband that won't beat me or kick me. "Good sex a must."
A week or so passed and she finally gets a knock at the door. She goes to answer it only to find a man sitting in a wheel chair. She asks what he wants and he informs her that he will be her new husband.
"Well, you don't have any arms." she notices. "I can't beat you then, can I?" he replies.
"And you don't have any legs!" "SO! That only means I can't kick you."
She pauses for a moment and then asks, "Well what about the sex?" He answers confidently,
"How do you think I knocked on the door."

There is a Blonde, a Brenette and a Redhead. They are being chased by the police. they run int o a backery and jump into some sacs of patatos.the police come and kick the Ber. bag and say
-We know ur in ther!
She whent wof wof wof!
They said
-Oh! Its just a dog!
They whent to the next bag and kick it.
-miao
-Oh! Just a cat!
They whent to the next bag and kicked it.
It said -Patato, patato, patato

A high tide means Chuck Norris is flying over your coast. The tide is caused by God pissing his pants.
Chuck Norris keeps his friends close and his enemies closer. Close enough to drop them with one round house kick to the face.
There is in fact an "I" in Norris, but there is no "team"... not even close.
Scotty in Star Trek often says "Ye cannae change the laws of physics." This is untrue. Chuck Norris can change the laws of physics. With his fists.
An anagram for Walker Texas Ranger is KARATE WRANGLER SEX. I don't know what that is, but it sounds AWESOME.
Chuck Norris doesn't stub his toes. He accidentally destroys chairs, bedframes, and sidewalks.
Using his trademark roundhouse kick, Chuck Norris once made a fieldgoal in RJ Stadium in Tampa Bay from the 50 yard line of Qualcomm stadium in San Diego.
Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks don't really kill people. They wipe out their entire existence from the space-time more...

There were three women that had just escaped from jail, one was a brunette, one was a red-head, and one was a blonde. They were running through the woods and the police and their dogs were chasing after them. The women ran into three empty potato sacks. They decided to hide.
A policeman found the sacks and decided to give the first one a kick. It meowed. "Aww, it's a sack full of kittens," he said. He kicked the second bag and it barked. "Aww, it's a sack full of puppies," he said. He kicked the third one and it didn't do anything. He kicked it again and it didn't do anything. He was about to kick it again when the blonde popped out of it and said, "I can't act like potatoes if you keep kicking me, duh!"

This one big lawyer from the city decided to take time away from his busy day and went out to the farm and shot a duck.The farmer walks out Of his building upon hearing the shot and screams at the city guy - "HEY You Cant shoot that duck on my property. That duck belongs to me. Hand it over!" The city guy says, 'Hell no I shot him so I get to keep him!"The farmer and the city boy decide to settle it country style (which is to kick each other in the nuts till the other one falls over") So the farmer goes first and slams the city boy a nice hard stiff kick. Upon receiving the kick, the city boy damn near colllapses from the pain.The city boy regains his balance And studders "Its my turn" The famer looks at him and says - "aw Hell, keep the damn duck!