Kill Jokes / Recent Jokes

President Bush and Colin Powell are sitting in a bar.
A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Powell sitting over there?"
The barman says, "Yep, that's them."
So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a real honor. What are you guys doing in here?"
Bush says, "We're planning WW III."
And the guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"
Bush says, "Well, we're going to kill 140 million Iraqis this time and one beautiful blonde."
The guy exclaimed, "A beautiful blonde? Why kill a beautiful blonde?"
Bush turns to Powell and says, "See, I told you no one would worry about the 140 million Iraqis!"

Always try to be modest. And be damn proud of it!

If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.

How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hands....

Attempt to get a new car for your spouse-it'll be a great trade!

Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route.

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

Everybody repeat after me.....'We are all individuals.'

Death to all fanatics! Guests who kill talk show hosts-On the last Geraldo.

Chastity is curable, if detected early.

Don't be sexist; broads hate that!

Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

Hell hath no fury like the lawyer of a woman scorned.

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

Eagles may soar, but weasels aren't sucked into jet more...

How do you know a blonde has tried to kill herself? By the bullet holes in the mirror.

What is the easiest way to kill a blonde??
Put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool!

What the world is like in TV land:1. If a woman is running away from someone she will trip and fall.2. Your car will always start immediately unless you are being chased by a maniacal killer or a monster of genetic creation.3. Crazed maniacs have super-human strength.4. The suburbs are exciting.5. Good guys always shoot better than bad guys.6. Good guys are always outnumbered.7. Good guys always win and get the girl.8. Good guys are always good looking.9. Ugly people are always bad guys.10. Teenagers who have sex are destined to die in grotesque ways.11. There are no ugly women, only ugly men.12. Court cases are all solved with a surprise witness.13. Good guys are the only ones who have a sense of humor.14. Cars will explode in all accidents.15. Everyone has a dark secret.16. Cream pies are made to be thrown, never eaten.17. Haunted houses are never locked.18. The police are smart.19. Good guys will only get shot in the arm or leg.20. All Asian people know Karate.21. Murders will more...

- If My Nose Were Full of Nickels, I'd Blow It All On You
- Do You Love As Good As You Look?
- Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye
- Her Teeth Were Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure
- Here's A Quarter, Call Someone Who Cares
- How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?
- I Changed Her Oil, She Changed My Life
- I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling
- I Fell In A Pile Of You And Got Love All Over Me
- I Flushed You From The Toilets Of My Heart.
- I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You
- I Wanna Whip Your Cow
- I Would Have Wrote You A Letter, But I Couldn't Spell Yuck!
- I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dawg Fight,(even if she had a chance to win)
- I'd Rather Have A Bottle In Front Of Me Than A Frontal Lobotomy
- I'm Just A Bug On The Windshield Of Life
- I've Been Flushed From The Bathroom Of Your Heart
- I've Got The Hungries For Your Love And I'm Waiting In Your Welfare Line
- If I Can't more...

Jesus was a Liberal
Jesus is Coming, Look Busy
Just say no to sex with pro-lifers
Hatred is not a family value
Guns don't kill people, radical pro-lifers kill people
If Christ is the answer, what was the question?
My karma ran over your dogma
God, protect me from your followers
Heart Attacks... God's revenge for eating his animal friends
God is Coming and Is She Pissed
Minds are like Parachutes: They only function when open
As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools
You will never find an atheist in a foxhole!