Kissed Jokes / Recent Jokes

Little Mitchell hurt his finger and ran crying to his mother. She kissed it and said, "There, that will make it feel better."
A few minutes later, Mitchell scratched his forehead. His mother took care of the wound, then once more kissed the spot and sent her little man out to play.
In half an hour Mitchell was back again. This time one of his friends had kicked him in a more intimate region; he came in screaming wildly and pointing to the spot.
"Damn it," said his mother, "you're getting more like your father every day."

A student called up his Mom one evening from his college and asked her for some money, because he was broke. His Mother said, "Sure, sweetie. I will send you some money. You also left your economics book here when you visited two weeks ago. Do you want me to send that up too?""Uhh, oh yeah, O. K." responded the kid. So his Mom wrapped the book along with the checks up in a package, kissed Dad goodbye, and went to the post office to mail the money and the book. When she gets back, Dad asked, "Well how much did you give the boy this time?""Oh, I wrote two checks, one for $20, and the other for $1, 000 out to him.""Thats $1020!!!" yelled Dad, "Are you going crazy???""Dont worry hon," Mom said, kissed Dad on the on top of his bald head, "I taped the $20 check to the cover of his book, but I put the $1, 000 one somewhere between the pages in chapter 15!"

There was a boy whose parents were very strict in his upbringing. They never allowed him to meet any girls, except his own relatives. However, one day he saw one of his best friends kissing a girl and he went to his mother and asked her what they were doing.
His mother told him, "It's called kissing and any boy who does that to a girl will die that very minute!" On his 21st birthday he went out with some friends who introduced him to one of the sweetest girls around town. She knew that he had never been kissed before. When she eventually got some time alone with him, she tried to kiss him but he resisted. She asked him, "What are you afraid of, it won't hurt." He said, "My mother said if I kiss a girl I'll die this very minute!!" She replied, "Don't be a baby, now come on kiss me." With that she gave him a hot one square across the lips. He began to cry, "Oh no I'm going to die!!!" She said, "Why are you going to die??" more...

(Hear are some real answers/comments given by kids about love)
1) HOW CAN YOU TELL IF TWO ADULTS EATING DINNER AT A RESTAURANT
ARE IN LOVE?
"Just see if the man picks up the check. That's how you can
tell if he's in love." - Bobby, age 9
"Lovers will just be staring at each other and their food
will get cold... Other people care more about the food."
- Bart, age 9
"Romantic adults usually are all dressed up, so if they are
just wearing jeans it might mean they used to go out or
they just broke up." - Sarah, age 9
"See if the man has lipstick on his face." - Sandra, age 7
"It's love if they order one of those desserts that are on
fire. They like to order those because it's just like how
their hearts are --- on fire." - Christine, age 9
2) TITLES OF THE LOVE BALLADS YOU CAN SING TO YOUR BELOVED
"'How Do I Love Thee When You're Always Picking Your more...

A college student his mother and asked her for some money.
His mother said that she would send him money and mentioned that he had left his calculus book when when he visited two weeks ago and asked if she should send it too.
"Uhh, oh yeah, o.k." Responded the student.
Mom wrapped the book along with the checks up in a package, kissed Dad goodbye, and went to the post office to mail the money and the book.
When she gets back, Dad asked, "How much did you give the boy this time?
Mom replied, "I wrote 2 checks, one for $20, and the other for $1000."
"That's $1020!" yelled Dad. "Are you crazy?"
"Don't worry hon," Mum said, as she kissed Dad on the on top of his bald head, "I taped the $20 check to the cover of his book, but I put the $1000 one somewhere between the pages in
chapter 19!"

Handsome hunk is jogging down the beach when he sees a girl in a
wheelchair sitting on a pier crying. He runs over and asks why she's
crying.
"I've never been kissed," she sobs. So the hunk lifts her up,
cradles her in his arms, and gives her a long, passionate kiss.
"Now," he says, "you've been kissed." He puts her back in her chair
and continues to run.
A week later, he's out jogging again when he sees the same girl on
the same pier, crying again.
"What is it this time?" he asks.
"I've never been screwed," the girl sobs.
Again, the hunk picks her up and cradles her gently. He slowly
moves to the end of the pier, kissing her as he did the first time.
Suddenly, he throws her as far out in the water as he can.
"Now," he calls to her, "you're screwed."

A student called up his Mom one evening from his college and asked her for some money, because he was broke.
His Mother said, "Sure, sweetie. I will send you some money. You also left your economics book here when you visited two weeks ago. Do you want me to send that up too?"
"Uhh, oh yeah, O.K." responded the kid.
So his Mom wrapped the book along with the checks up in a package, kissed Dad goodbye, and went to the post office to mail the money and the book. When she gets back, Dad asked, "Well how much did you give the boy this time?"
"Oh, I wrote two checks, one for $20, and the other for $1,000 out to him."
"That's $1020!!!" yelled Dad, "Are you going crazy???"
"Don't worry hon," Mom said, kissed Dad on the on top of his bald head, "I taped the $20 check to the cover of his book, but I put the $1,000 one somewhere between the pages in chapter 15!"