Kissing Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q: What disease can you get from kissing birds?

A: Chirpes (It's a canareal disease, but it's tweetable)

Little Johnny was 12 years old and, like other boys his age, was rather curious. He had been hearing quite a bit about "courting" from older boys and he wondered what it was like and how it was done.
One day he asked his mother who became rather flustered. Instead of explaining things to Johnny, his mother told him to hide behind the curtains one night and watch his older sister and her boyfriend. This he did.
The following morning, Johnny described everything to his mom. "Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for awhile then he turned off most of the lights. He then started hugging and kissing her."
"I figured Sis must be getting sick because her face started to look funny. He must have thought so too because he put his hand inside her blouse to feel her heart just like the doctor would do. He was not as smart as a doctor because he seemed to be having trouble finding it."
"I guess he was getting sick too because pretty soon both of more...

Little Johnny was 7 years old and like other boys his age rather curious. He
had been hearing quite a bit about 'courting' from the older boys, and he
wondered what it was and how it was done. One day he took his question
mother, who became rather flustered. Instead of explaining things to Johnny,
she told him to hide behind the curtains one night and watch his older sister
and her boyfriend. This he did. The following morning, Johnny described
EVERYTHING to his mother. "
Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for a while,
then he turned off most of the lights. Then he started kissing and hugging
her. I figured 'Sis must be getting sick, because her face started looking
funny. He must have thought so too, because he put his hand inside her blouse
to feel her heart, just the way the doctor would. Except he's not as smart as
the doctor because he seemed to have trouble finding her heart. I guess he
was getting sick too, because more...

There was an Irishman, an Englishman and Claudia Schiffer sitting together in a carriage in a train going through Tasmania. Suddenly the train went through a tunnel and as it was an old style train there were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark.

Then there was this kissing noise and the sound of a really loud slap. When the train came out of the tunnel, Claudia Schiffer and the Irishman were sitting as if nothing had happened and the Englishman had his hand against his face as he had been slapped there.

The Englishman was thinking: "The Irish fella must have kissed Claudia Schiffer and she missed him and slapped me instead."

Claudia Schiffer was thinking: "The English fella must have tried to kiss me and actually kissed the Irishman and got slapped for it."

The Irishman was thinking: "This is great! The next time the train goes through a tunnel I'll make another kissing noise and slap that English more...

A man had been drinking at the bar for hours when he mentioned something about his girlfriend being out in the car. The bartender, concerned because it was so cold, went to check on her. When he looked inside the car, he saw the mans friend, Dave, and his girlfriend kissing one another. The bartender shook his head and walked back inside. He told the drunk that he thought it might be a good idea to check on his girlfriend. The fellow staggered outside to the car, saw his buddy and his girlfriend kissing, then walked back into the bar laughing."Whats so funny?" the bartender asked."That stupid Dave!" the fellow chortled, "Hes so drunk, he thinks hes me!"

Two candidates for political office inadvertently scheduled simultaneous campaign rallys in the same park of a small New England town. After a lengthy round of speeches, the candidates worked their way through the crowd - shaking hands, kissing babies and beaming mightily.
Suddenly, the skies opened and it began to rain. One of the candidates fled to take shelter in a nearby restaurant along with half a dozen regulars. The other candidate, however, continued to move through the crowd - shaking hands, kissing babies, etc.
"That man's persistence yonder," observed one of the natives, "sure makes it easy to know who to vote for."
"Yep," another native agreed. "Sure can't see myself casting a vote for a man who hasn't the good sense to come in out of the rain."

Little Johnny was 12 years old and like other boys his age rather curious. He had been hearing quite a bit about' courting' from the older boys, and he wondered what it was and how it was done. One day he took his question to his mother, who became rather flustered. Instead of explaining things to Johnny, she told him to hide behind the curtains one night and watch his older sister and her boyfriend. This he did. The following morning, Johnny described everything to his mother.' Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for a while, then he turned off most of the lights. Then he started kissing and hugging her. I figured Sis must be getting sick, because her face started looking funny. He must have thought so too, because he put his hand inside her blouse to feel her heart, just the way the doctor would. Except he's not as smart as the doctor because he seemed to have trouble finding her heart. I guess he was getting sick too, because pretty soon both of them started panting and gettin all more...