Kitten Jokes / Recent Jokes

Veterinarians have evening hours.
Your kitten won't be able to disturb the whole movie with its crying. Hell, you don't even have to take the kitten with you, and if you don't, you don't even have to worry about whether or not the sitter is available tonight.
Your kitten won't grow out of those cute but expensive clothes within three months.
Kittens look cute if they haven't had a bath in a month.
You probably don't have to lie awake nights wondering how you're going to finance your kitten's college education.
No one will accuse you of being an unfit mother if you don't want to breast feed your kitten.
No one will accuse you of perversion or sexual abuse if you fondle your kitten.
Dan Quayle can't accuse you of destroying the moral fabric of the country if you aren't married to the father of your kitten. In fact, nobody will ever ask you if you know who the father is.
No one will question your abilities to function normally at your job when they hear more...

Veterinarians have evening hours.
Your kitten won't be able to disturb the whole movie with its
crying. Hell, you don't even have to take the kitten with you,
and if you don't, you don't even have to worry about whether or
not the sitter is available tonight.
Your kitten won't grow out of those cute but expensive clothes
within three months.
Kittens look cute if they haven't had a bath in a month.
You probably don't have to lie awake nights wondering how
you're going to finance your kitten's college education.
No one will accuse you of being an unfit mother if you don't
want to breast feed your kitten.
Dan Quayle can't accuse you of destroying the moral fabric of
the country if you aren't married to the father of your kitten. In
fact, nobody will ever ask you if you know who the father is.
No one will question your abilities to function normally at
your job when they hear you just got a kitten.
You only have to change more...

Once upon a time there was a little girl who wanted a kitten for Christmas. Her mother couldn’t buy a kitten and
parcel it up for Christmas Day, so she bought it a week before Christmas and gave it to the little girl.
‘You’re getting your Christmas present a week early this year, ’ her mother explained as she handed over the fluffy little tabby kitten. ‘Is that what you want? ’
The little girl said, ‘It’s wonderful, mother… just what I wanted. There’s just one thing wrong! ’
‘What’s that? ’ her mother asked.
‘Well, it has a cute little claw on the outside of every paw and another little claw on the inside of every paw - but the poor little thing has no claws at all in the middle of its paws! ’
Her mother smiled. ‘Don’t worry, Kitty. When you wake up on Christmas morning you’ll find the claws are there. ’
Now Kitty loved her kitten dearly, but she worried about the claws in the middle of its paws. The days more...

one day mrs. flatnose was getting ready for work when all of a sudden she heard a high piched voice singing when so she went up stairs to see what it was when she got up there she only saw her cat mrs.kitten so then she went back down then she heard it again so she went up then there is the kitty just sitting there so she picks up the kitty and says with a smile do you know who was singing that the kitten smiles.she gaspes with fear she falls and faints the kitty sings some xmas songs as she laid there
the end

Once upon a time there was a little girl who wanted a kitten for Christmas. Her mother couldn't buy a kitten and parcel it up for Christmas Day, so she bought it a week before Christmas and gave it to the little girl.' You're getting your Christmas present a week early this year,' her mother explained as she handed over the fluffy little tabby kitten.' Is that what you want?' The little girl said,' It's wonderful, mother...just what I wanted. There's just one thing wrong!'' What's that?' her mother asked.' Well, it has a cute little claw on the outside of every paw and another little claw on the inside of every paw - but the poor little thing has no claws at all in the middle of its paws!' Her mother smiled.' Don't worry, Kitty. When you wake up on Christmas morning you'll find the claws are there.' Now Kitty loved her kitten dearly, but she worrie d about the claws in the middle of its paws. The days passed and there wasn't even a hint, a clue or an inkling of claws in the middle of more...

Knock, Knock
Who’s there?
I know it's you.
Crap.

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
A talking pig.
Pigs can’t talk.
Neither can penguins, but I can’t shut him up! Wait till you get a load of the dancing candelabra…

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
You want to buy a kitten?
You want to buy a kitten who?
Make pretty pet.
I’m allergic to cats.
Taste good, too?

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
You sure you don’t want buy a little kitten?
Yes, I’m sure.
Could make one cute fuzzy glove?

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Ted Bundy
Ted Bundy who?
Let me in, meat!
No!
I mean… Hello I am Santa Claus.
Yay! Santa!

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
A Predator drone-launched Hellfire missile.
Saddam, I think it’s for you!

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Gandalf the Gray Wizard, friend to hobbits and more...

Two robins were lying on their backs, basking in the sun. A mama cat and her kitten were walking by.
The kitten complained, "Mama, I'm sooo hungry, what can we eat?"
To which the mama cat, spying the two robins, replied, "How about some Baskin Robbins?"