Kitten Jokes / Recent Jokes

Marriage Quotes 1
In a great romance, each person plays a part the other really likes. - Elizabeth Ashley
Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success. - Jim Backus
No man should marry until he has studied anatomy and dissected at least one woman. - Honore de Balzac
Honeymoon: A short period of doting between dating and debting. - Ray Bandy
Marriage is low down, but you spend the rest of your life paying for it. - Baskins
I feel like Zsa Zsa Gabor's sixth husband. I know what I'm supposed to do, but I don't know how to make it interesting. - Milton Berle, when called to the microphone at the 2nd Annual Comedians Hall of Fame Inductions
Love: a temporary insanity often curable by marriage. - Ambrose Bierce
The world has suffered more from the ravages of ill-advised marriages than from virginity. - Ambrose Bierce
I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me more...

On the first day of Christmas, my kitten ruined for me. ..
A batch of my special hand-print cookies. I had turned my back to grab the cookie sheet sitting on the stove. In that micro-second, Sara climbed onto the table, poked her paw into the delightfully kneady mixture and, suddenly off-balance, fell into the cookie dough. Net loss? Six cups of flour, four cups of sugar, three sticks of butter. .. Of course, it would have been cheaper to remove the feline ingredient, pick out the hairs, and just rename the recipe Paw Print Cookies.
On the second day of Christmas, my kitten accompanied me. ..
On a trip to the vet clinic. Who knew that skinny curling ribbon has feline taste appeal? I didn't. Damages: $28 for the office visit, $36 for anesthesia so the veterinarian could take $55 X-rays in case Sara had taste-tested any other Christmas decorations, and a heck of a lot of embarrassment when the vet removed the 3' curly tail in slightly less than two seconds by tugging at more...

In front of a delicatessen, an art connoisseur noticed a mangy little kitten lapping up milk from a saucer. The saucer, he realized with a start, was a rare and precious piece of Ming Dynasty china.

He strolled into the store and offered five dollars for the cat. "It's not for sale," said Morris the proprietor.

"Look," said the collector, "that cat is dirty and undesirable, but I'm eccentric. I like cats that way. I'll raise my offer to ten dollars."

"Make it twenty and it's a deal," said Morris, and pocketed the $20 on the spot.

"For that sum I'm sure you won't mind throwing in the saucer," said the antique connoisseur. "The kitten seems so happy drinking from it."

"Nothing doing," said Morris, the deli owner, firmly. "That's my lucky saucer. From that saucer, so far this week I've sold 32 stray cats."

Kittens, better than babies? Hah! Here now are the top ELEVEN reasons why
babies are better than kittens (and, as any five-year-old will tell you, more
reasons makes my list better. Nyah! Nyah! Nyah!)
11) Babies are rarely known to shed on furniture.
10) No one's allergic to a baby.
9) Having a kitten in the car doesn't let you drive in the carpool lane.
8) An exercise program you can really stick with... that you HAVE to stick
with, whether you like it or not...
7) With a kitten, you don't get to watch otherwise normal adults making
silly faces, jumping up and down, talking nonsense in a high pitched voice,
and generally making fools of themselves. Hours of fun!
6) For an initial investment of a camera and few pieces of film, you can
convince baby's grandparents to buy the kid all the cute but expensive
clothes, toys, furniture, and major appliances s/he will ever need-a good
photographer can buy nothing but diapers for a year. more...

In front of a delicatessen, an art connoisseur noticed a mangy little kitten lapping up milk from a saucer. The saucer, he realized with a start, was a rare and precious piece of pottery.
He strolled into the store and offered two dollars for the cat. "It's not for sale," said the proprietor.
"Look," said the collector, "that cat is dirty and undesirable, but I'm eccentric. I like cats that way. I'll raise my offer to ten dollars."
"It's a deal," said the proprietor, and pocketed the ten on the spot.
"For that sum I'm sure you won't mind throwing in the saucer," said the connoisseur. "The kitten seems so happy drinking from it." "Nothing doing," said the proprietor firmly.
"That's my lucky saucer. From that saucer, so far this week I've sold 34 cats."

In a great romance, each person plays a part the other really likes. - Elizabeth Ashley
Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success. - Jim Backus
No man should marry until he has studied anatomy and dissected at least one woman. - Honore de Balzac
Honeymoon: A short period of doting between dating and debting. - Ray Bandy
Marriage is low down, but you spend the rest of your life paying for it. - Baskins
I feel like Zsa Zsa Gabor's sixth husband. I know what I'm supposed to do, but I don't know how to make it interesting. - Milton Berle, when called to the microphone at the 2nd Annual Comedians Hall of Fame Inductions
Love: a temporary insanity often curable by marriage. - Ambrose Bierce
The world has suffered more from the ravages of ill-advised marriages than from virginity. - Ambrose Bierce
I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste. - more...

Baskin Robbins
Two robins were lying on their backs, basking in the sun. A
mama cat and her kitten were walking by.
The kitten complained, "Mama, I'm sooo hungry, what can we
eat?"
To which the mama cat, spying the two robins, replied, "How
about some Baskin Robbins?"