Kitten Jokes / Recent Jokes

The Saucer
Roberto is an art connoisseur and one day notices a mangy little kitten lapping up milk from a saucer in front of a delicatessen in Tel Aviv. He quickly realises with a shock that the saucer was a very rare and precious piece of pottery. He strolled into the store and offered £2 for the cat.
"It`s not for sale," said Abe, the proprietor.
"Look," said Roberto, "that cat is dirty and undesirable, but I`m eccentric. I like cats that way. I`ll raise my offer to £10."
"It`s a deal," said Abe, and pocketed the money.
"For that sum I`m sure you won`t mind throwing in the saucer," said Roberto. "The kitten seems so happy drinking from it."
"Nothing doing," said Abe firmly. "That`s my lucky saucer. From that saucer, so far this week, I`ve sold 34 cats."

Two ROBINS were lying on their backs, BASKING in the sun. A mama cat and her kitten were walking by. The kitten complained,' Mama, I'm sooo hungry, what can we eat?' To which the mama cat, spying the two robins, replied,

How about some Baskin Robbins?'

A little boy was visiting his grandparents on their farm and became attached to one of the kittens. This kitten, having no road sense, was killed by a passing car right in front of the little boy. The grandfather buried the kitten behind the barn, and the grandmother distracted the boy by giving him cookies and milk. While the little boy was eating, the following conversation took place." Grandma, what happened to the kitten?" "It was killed by a car. The kitten is dead." "Where does a kitten go when it dies?" "God takes the kitten to heaven." The little boy took another bite of cookie and then said, "But, Grandma, what does God want with a dead kitten?"

Once upon a time there was a little girl who wanted a kitten for Christmas. Her mother couldnt buy a kitten and parcel it up for Christmas Day, so she bought it a week before Christmas and gave it to the little girl. Youre getting your Christmas present a week early this year, her mother explained as she handed over the fluffy little tabby kitten. Is that what you want? The little girl said, Its wonderful, mother... just what I wanted. Theres just one thing wrong! Whats that? her mother asked. Well, it has a cute little claw on the outside of every paw and another little claw on the inside of every paw - but the poor little thing has no claws at all in the middle of its paws! Her mother smiled. Dont worry, Kitty. When you wake up on Christmas morning youll find the claws are there. Now Kitty loved her kitten dearly, but she worrie d about the claws in the middle of its paws. The days passed and there wasnt even a hint, a clue or an inkling of claws in the middle of its paws. When more...

On the first day of Christmas, my kitten ruined for me... A batch
of my special hand-print cookies.

I had turned my back to grab the cookie sheet sitting on the stove.
In that micro-second, Fluffy climbed onto the table, poked her paw
into the delightfully kneady mixture and, suddenly off-balance,
fell into the cookie dough. Net loss? Six cups of flour, four cups
of sugar, three sticks of butter. Of course, it would have been
cheaper to remove the feline ingredient, pick out the hairs, and
just rename the recipe Paw Print Cookies.


On the second day of Christmas, my kitten accompanied me.... On a
trip to the vet clinic.

Who knew that skinny curling ribbon has feline taste appeal? I
didn't. Damages? $28 for the office visit, $36 for anesthesia so
the veterinarian could take $55 X-rays in case Fluffy had taste-
tested any other Christmas decorations, and a heck of a lot of
embarrassment more...

My college doesn't allow pets in my dorm, so when I got a kitten I had the guys in my dorm refer to him as "the Book" to avoid suspicion.
One morning, as I carried the kitten out to my car in a crate, my girlfriend stopped me and asked, "where are you taking the Book?"
"She's getting Spayed today," I said.
"Hmm..." she said. "I guess that means no sequels!"

In a great romance, each person plays a part the other really likes. - Elizabeth Ashley
Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success. - Jim Backus
No man should marry until he has studied anatomy and dissected at least one woman. - Honore de Balzac
Honeymoon: A short period of doting between dating and debting. - Ray Bandy
Marriage is low down, but you spend the rest of your life paying for it. - Baskins
I feel like Zsa Zsa Gabor's sixth husband. I know what I'm supposed to do, but I don't know how to make it interesting. - Milton Berle, when called to the microphone at the 2nd Annual Comedians Hall of Fame Inductions
Love: a temporary insanity often curable by marriage. - Ambrose Bierce
The world has suffered more from the ravages of ill-advised marriages than from virginity. - Ambrose Bierce
I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste. - David more...