Kitty Jokes / Recent Jokes

If Kitty Carlisle married Conway Twitty, she'd be Kitty Twitty.

If Yoko Ono married Sonny Bono, she'd be Yoko Ono Bono.

If Dolly Parton married Salvador Dali, she'd be Dolly Dali.

If Bo Derek married Don Ho, she'd be Bo Ho.

If Oprah Winfrey married Depak Chopra, she'd be Oprah Chopra.

If Olivia Newton-John married Wayne Newton, then divorced him to marry Elton John, she'd be Olivia Newton-John Newton John.

If Sondra Locke married Elliott Ness, then divorced him to marry Herman Munster, she'd become Sondra Locke Ness Munster.

If Bea Arthur married Sting, she'd be Bea Sting.

If Liv Ullman married Judge Lance Ito, then divorced him and married Jerry Mathers, she'd be Liv Ito Beaver.

If Snoop Doggy Dogg married Winnie the Pooh, he'd be Snoop Doggy Dogg Pooh.

How about a baseball marriage? If Boog Powell married Felipe Alou, he'd be Boog Alou.

If G. Gordon Liddy married more...

Once Upon A Time, there was a married woman, and she was not happy about her sex life, so she goes to see her doctor about it. Her doctor gives her some pills and tells her to put one in her husband's glass of water before going to sleep and then HAVE FUN. The woman comes back home and tries it the first night. She puts one pill in her husband's glass of water. And that night they have sex. The next night, the woman was happy but not quite content yet, decides to use two pills. That night their love making was even better then the night before. So the third night she decided that if two pills was great, then she would put all the pills in the glass of water. A week later, the doctor calls her house and asks: "Hello, how's the whole family doing??" The son, who answered the phone, answers: "Well, my Mom's dead, my Sister's pregnant, My ass hurts and my Dad is running around naked outside screaming,' Here KITTY KITTY'."

The change maker
Freda was looking very sad whilst talking to her best friend Kitty. "Ever since we got married, Robert has been trying to change me. That’s all he seems to do. He got me to stop drinking, cut down significantly on my smoking, and he stopped me going shopping at Brent Cross at all hours of the day. He taught me how to dress well, how to enjoy the fine arts, he got me to enjoy gourmet cooking, classical music and recently how to invest in the stock market. He even sent me to Hebrew Classes."
On hearing this, Kitty said, "Sounds like are just a little bitter because Robert spends so much time trying to change you."
"I`m not bitter, " said Freda. "Now that I`m so improved, I find he just isn`t good enough for me any more."

A woman complained to her Doctor that her husband never wanted sex anymore. He gave her a bottle of Viagra pills, telling her to put them in her husband's drink and her husband would be recharged.
The woman was filled with doubt, but she put one pill in his coffee that evening. That night they made love. The next night she put two viagra's in his coffee and that night the sex was ecstatic.
The next night she said "What the hell!" and dumped the whole bottle in his coffee. Sometime later the Doctor called to check on his patient's progress. The woman's son answered the phone. When the Doctor asked how everyone was doing, the boy replied,
"Mom's dead, Sis left home, the maid's pregnant, my ass hurts, and Dad is buck naked in the yard yelling, "Here, kitty, kitty."

Q: What do mice do when they're at home?
A: Mousework!
Q: What does a twelve-pound mouse say to a cat?
A:' Here Kitty, kitty, kitty'!
Q: What kind of musical instrument do mice play?
A: A mouse organ!
Q: Why do mice have long tails?
A: Well, they'd look silly with long hair!
Q: Who has large antlers, a high voice and wears white gloves?
A: Mickey Moose!
Q: How do you save a drowning mouse?
A: Use mouse to mouse resuscitation!
Q: Where do hamsters come from?
A: Hamsterdam!
Q: What's a mouse's least favorite record?
A: What's up Pussycat!
Q: Why do mice need oiling?
A: Because they squeak!
Q: What do rodents say when they play bingo?
A:' Eyes down for a full mouse'!

Purring: Sound of a cat manufacturing cuteness.
Purrverse: Poem about a strange kitty.
Purranoia: The fear that your cat is up to something.
Human being: Automatic door opener for cats.
Purrpetual: Everlasting love for domesticated felines.
Purrson: A male kitty.
Perpetual motion: A kitty playing.
Instrument flying guide for animal lovers
Having detailed the concept of attitude control, there is another method, which you may prefer. For reasons that will become apparent, it is recommended for those pilots whose airplanes have large, easily cleaned cabins. Known as the “Cat and Duck Method” of instrument flight, it has received much publicity and is considered to have a great deal of merit by those who have not tried it. No reports have been received from those who did try it, and none are expected. Pilots are invited to assess its merits objectively.

The Kitty.. She Was Hanging With Her Friends At Her House When She Heard A bANG iN tHE cLOSET wHEN sHE went to seewhat happen she fell down and she farted very hard and her friend was near and she was in the closet taking a dump