Knight Jokes / Recent Jokes

In the days of the knights, a midget told his king that he, too, wanted to be a knight. Too small, said the king. But the
determined midget went about the kingdom, catching highwaymen and
rescuing maidens, until the news got back to the king. "All right,"
said the king. "I dub thee knight."Special miniature armor was hammered out for him. A galley knife was honed into a sword. But no horse little enough was found. So the king substituted a large shaggy dog. And the midget went forth again to do good. A terrible rainstorm came up. The midget rode to a nearby inn. But the innkeeper said there was no more room. The midget pointed out how little space he'd take up. The innkeeper looked him over, and his mount, too, both soaked to the skin, and finally said, "Come on in. We'll find a spot for you. I couldn't send a knight out on a dog like this."

Let's say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else.
And then, one evening when they're driving home, a thought occurs to Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: "Do you realize that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly six months?"
And then there is silence in the car.
To Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: Geez, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he's been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn't want, or isn't sure of.
And Roger is thinking: Gosh. Six months.
And Elaine is thinking: But, hey, I'm not so sure I want this more...

Hey, Princess, you wouldn't happen to know where a lonely knight could scabbard his sword, would you? Been there, slain that. What's a nice maiden like you doing in a dungeon like this? They don't call me Lance-A-Lot for nothing, you know. When the Inquisition put me on the rack, my limbs weren't the only thing they stretched. Dost thou know? That chastity belt of yours would look great on my sleeping chambers floor. Wench: What's that sound? Knight: That's just the sound of my chain mail drawers expanding. Thou hast hit on me harder than the black plague! Your hovel or mine? Pardon me, madam, but wouldeth thou like to see my long sword in action? Dost thou practice safe hex? Milady, it's not the size of the wand that matters, but the magic within. I have the key to your chastity belt and you have the key to my heart. You should be glad I'm not a Viking. You would have been ravaged and plundered by now. I lost my leg in battle. Guess what I'm walking on! Yes, fair maiden, I am indeed more...

Let's say a guy named Fred is attracted to a woman named Martha. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else.And then, one evening when they're driving home, a thought occurs to Martha, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: "Do you realize that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly six
months?"And then, there is silence in the car.To Martha, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he's been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn't want, or isn't sure of.And Fred is thinking: Gosh. Six months.And Martha is thinking: But, hey, I'm not so sure I want this kind of relationship either. more...

Last week the DJ on radio station WZZO in Allentown, PA was discussing David
Hasselhoff, since there was some news item about him. He went on to say that
he liked the show "Knight Rider" much better than "Baywatch".
He said that Knight Rider was more realistic, since he could more easily
believe that there was a talking car than that Pamela Anderson could form
coherent sentences on her own.

Once in a medieval times, there was a King who was getting sort of bored after dinner onenight. He decided to hold a contest of who at the court had the mightiest "weapon". Thefirst knight stood up and proclaimed that he had the mightiest weapon... he pulled down hispants and tied a 5 pound weight around it. The weapon doth rose. The crowds cheered... thewomen swooned... the children waved multi-colored banners... and the band played appropriatemusic. Another knight stood up and yelled that he had the mightiest weapon. He dropped his pantsand tied a 10 pound weight to himself. The weapon doth rose. The crowds cheered... thewomen swooned... the children waved multi-colored banners... and the band playedappropriate music. After several more knights tried to prove their superiority... the King finally spoke out."I have the mightiest weapon of them all!" He dropped his pants and tied, not a 10 pound, not a 20 pound, not ever a thirty pound, but a 40 pound weight to more...

In days of old, when knights were bold, this particular knight was leaving for a crusade and called one of his squires, "I'm leaving for the crusade.
Here is the key to my wife's chastity belt. If, in 10 years, I haven't returned, you may use the key as I'm sure she will have needs"
The knight sets out on the dusty road, armored from head to toe. He takes one last look at his castle and sees the squire rushing across the drawbridge, yelling, "Stop! Stop!
Thank goodness I was able to catch you. This is the WRONG KEY."