Knive Jokes / Recent Jokes

Three jewish israeli brothers come to america. They each get jobs.
The first one is a singer. He learns to say, "Me, me me me me!"
The second one is a waiter. He learns to say, "Forks and knives, forks and knives."
The third one owns a candy shop. He learns to say, "Goody goody gum drops!"
One day a man is murdered. The three brothers are at the crime scene, and they're being questioned.
One cop says, "All right, now who did this?"
The first brother tries to point out the man, but the only word he can say is, "Me, me me me me!"
The second cop says, "What did you kill him with?"
The second brother, trying to prove his brother's innocence, says, "Forks and knives, forks and knives."
Finally, the third cop says, "All three of you are going to have to come downtown with us."
And the third brother, trying to protest, says, "Goody goody gum drops!"

Why did the two knives go to the dance together? Because they both looked sharp!

A young man was pulled over by the Louisiana state police for speeding. The officer stepped out of his patrol car, adjusted his sunglasses, and swaggered up to the young man`s window. "What chew driving so fast for son? You going to a fahr?. Let me see your license, boy."
The young man handed over his license. Then the officer noticed that the back seat of his car was full of large knives.
The officer said, "Tell me boy, why you got them knives on that there back seat?"
The young man replied, "Well sir, I`m a juggler."
The officer spat some tobacco juice and then he said, "A juggler; well you don`t say. Boy, put cha hands on the trunk of yer car; you going to jail!"
The young man pleaded with the officer not to take him to jail. He offered to prove to the officer that he was a juggler by way of demonstration. He said, "You can even hold me at gunpoint while I juggle for you." The officer reluctantly allowed him more...

A juggler who was driving to his next performance was stopped by the police. "What are those knives doing in your car?" asked the officer.
"I juggle them in my act."
"Oh yeah?" says the cop. "Let's see you do it." So the juggler starts tossing and juggling the knives.
A guy driving by sees this and says, "Wow, am I glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they're making you do now!"

There was once a Chinese immigrant who came to England; he didn't know English, so he decided to learn some words by walking around the city of Nottsbourough. He walks into a nursery and all of the babies are shouting, "Me, me!" So he learns the word "Me". He then walks into a restaurant and a boy screams, "Knives and forks!" He learns those two words as well. Finally, he walks into a video shop and he sees the television playing, "Dunununununununununununu, BATMAN!" He then learns that as well.
Suddenly there is big commotion outside, and a policeman shouts, "Who killed this man?" (there was a dead man lying on the floor.) The Chinese man walks out of the shop and shouts, "Me!" The policeman asks, "What did you kill him with, then?" The Chinese man shouts, "Knives and forks". Then the policeman shouts in despair at him, "Who the bloody hell do you think you are?!" The Chinese man goes more...

A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the police.
"What are those knives doing in your car? Asked the officer.
"I use them in my juggling act," says the juggler.
"Oh yeah?" "Let's see you do it." Says the policeman.
So the man starts tossing and juggling the knives.A guy driving by sees this and says, "Wow, am I glad I stopped drinking. Look at the test they're making you do now!"
Take a Crap First "A jumbo jet is just coming into the Tampa Airport on its final approach.
The pilot comes on the intercom, "This is your Captain. We're on our final descent into Tampa. I want to thank you for flying with us today and I hope you enjoy your stay in Tampa Bay."
He forgets to switch off the intercom. Now the whole plane can hear his conversation from the cockpit. The copilot says to the pilot, "Well, skipper, whatcha gonna do in Tampa?"
"Well," says the skipper, more...

Three men are sitting next to a dead guy. The first one can only say, "Yup! Yup! Yup!" The second one can say, "Forks and Knives. Forks and knives." Finally, the third one can say, "Goddie, goodie gumdrops! Goodie, goodie gumdrops!"
A cop comes by and asks the first one if he killed the man. Unable to say anything else, he says, "Yup! Yup! Yup!" Then he asks the second man, "What weapons did you use?" The second man says, "Forks and Knives. Forks and knives." Astonished, he is taken back for a second and then tells them all that they will go to jail. The third man tries to plead, "Goddie, goodie gumdrops! Goodie, goodie gumdrops!"