Knive Jokes / Recent Jokes

once there were three aliens who crashed their plane on earth. These aliens did not know any language. SO they decided to learn. The first one said "
I am the smartest, I will go to opera singing."
The second one said"
I love food. I will go to a bakery"
The last alien said "
I am dumb, But like candy. So I will go to a candy store"
The first alien learned one word and that was "
ME, me, me, meeeeee"
The second one learned three words. "
Knives and forks"
The last alien learned "
Goody, Goody, gumdrops"
So they fixed the space ship and on their way home said their last words. ALl of a sudden a Police officer came up to them and said "
There is a crime. Who did it?"
The first alien said "
Me, me, me, Meeeee"
Then the Police officer said"
with what?"
The second alien said "
Knives and more...

The following comments are those of Bill Hall who is a syndicated humor columnist for the Lewiston Morning Tribune in Lewiston, Idaho.
Consider bathing, for instance. As a general rule, middle-aged women take baths at night. The men shower each morning. The men like to go to bed dirty and go to work clean. Women prefer to go to bed clean and to work dirty. That's why men usually take their coffee breaks with other men.
Women read more boring magazines than men. They read silly, pedestrian magazines filled with articles on making quilts, turning bleach bottles into stunning centerpieces, the use of orange eyeshadow and how to get men to shower before going to bed instead of before going to work.
Men read sensible, intellectual journals on how to catch fish and kill little animals.
When a man cooks, he keeps his knives sharp. Most female cooks don't. Indeed, most female cooks don't even own a decent kitchen knife, let alone a sharp one.
Female cooks offer the excuse more...

The following comments are those of Bill Hall who is a syndicated humor columnist for the Lewiston Morning Tribune in Lewiston, Idaho.Consider bathing, for instance. As a general rule, middle-aged women take baths at night. The men shower each morning. The men like to go to bed dirty and go to work clean. Women prefer to go to bed clean and to work dirty. That's why men usually take their coffee breaks with other men.Women read more boring magazines than men. They read silly, pedestrian magazines filled with articles on making quilts, turning bleach bottles into stunning centerpieces, the use of orange eyeshadow and how to get men to shower before going to bed instead of before going to work.Men read sensible, intellectual journals on how to catch fish and kill little animals.When a man cooks, he keeps his knives sharp. Most female cooks don't. Indeed, most female cooks don't even own a decent kitchen knife, let alone a sharp one.Female cooks offer the excuse that they would cut more...

There were three Chinese men in England wanting to learn some English. So, one went into a Bingo place, another in a restaurant and the other into a sweet shop.
"
YES!!!"
Someone shouted in the Bingo place so he learnt that. The one in the restaurant learnt "
KNIVES AND FORKS!!!"
And finally the last one learnt "
GOODIE GOODIE!!!"
from the little kiddies in the sweetie shop.
All of a sudden, the local police come along and ask,
"
Have you killed someone???"
And the first one said "
YES!!!"
"
With what???!!!"
the police added.
"
KNIVES AND FORKS!!!"
the second carried on.
The police said after "
What have you got to say for yourself, huh?"
"
GOODIE GOODIE!"
the last one says!!!

A guy walks in a barber shop comes out says yes. Goes into a resturaunt comes out says forks spoons knives. Goes into a candy shop comes out says goddey goddey gum drops. Goes around a corner sees a dead guy. Cops show and say did you kill this guy. He says yes. Cop says with what forks spoons knives. Cop says your going to jail goddey goddey gum drops.

A young boy who had just came from Spain, and his English was not very good, and he only knew the words, i did it, i did it..forks and knives...he stole my lolly pop... bring it on fat boy... and plug it in, plug it in. He was playing outside when a police came by and asked, there has been a murder, do you know who did it? the young boy said" i did it, i did it" The police said "how did you do it?" The boys response was"Forks and knives" The police said" why did you do it?" The boy said " he stole my lollypop!" The police said " I will have to bring you downtown myself!" The boy said" Bring it on fat boy" Then the police said" I am putting you in the electric chair" The boy said" plug it in, plug it in!"