Knob Jokes / Recent Jokes

A middle aged woman went to her cosmetic surgeon to see what her options were concerning her rapidly sagging face.
"We can give you an old fashioned face-lift, or we can use a new high-tech procedure called "The Knob".
"What is the knob, doctor?" she asked.
"It is a procedure where we install a knob under your hair on the back of your head. We then connect it to the facial muscles and skin which sag, and when you see new wrinkles and sagging, you just tighten the knob a few turns and your skin is nice and tight again."
"Oh, yes! that is what I would like to have," she replied excitedly.
The operation was a complete success and she looked 15 years younger. As time passed, when she would notice a new sagging, she would simply tighten the knob and voila! Her face was again beautiful!
One day about 8 years later she woke up one morning and saw very large bags under her eyes. Alarmed, she called doctor and reported the more...

When a married couple arrived at the hospital to have their baby delivered, the doctor informed them of a new machine he had invented. He explained that the machine would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pains to the father of the baby, and asked if they would be willing to try it out. They both agreed to give it a try.
To begin, the doctor set the knob of the machine at 10 percent, explaining that even 10 percent was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced in the past. As labor progressed, the husband felt fine, so he asked the doctor to bump it up a notch. The doctor adjusted the knob to 20 percent pain transfer and still, the husband felt fine.
The doctor checked his blood pressure and pulse and was amazed at how well he was doing, so they decided to bump it up to 50 percent.
Even at 50 percent, the husband continued to feel fine. Since it appeared to be helping his wife out considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain more...

I wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence. There's a knob called 'brightness' but it doesn't work.

I wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence. There's a
knob called 'brightness', but it doesn't work.

A woman in her late forties went to a plastic surgeon for a face-lift. The surgeon told her about a new procedure called "The Knob," where a small knob is placed on the back of a woman's head and can be turned to tighten up her skin to produce the effect of a brand new face lift. Of course, the woman wanted "The Knob."
Over the course of the years, the woman tightened the knob, and the effects were wonderful -- the woman remained young looking and vibrant.
After fifteen years, the woman returned to the surgeon with two problems.
"All these years, everything has been working just fine. I've had to turn the knob many times and I've always loved results. But now I've developed two annoying problems: First, I have these terrible bags under my eyes and the knob won't get rid of them,"
The doctor looked at her closely and said, "Those aren't bags, those are your breasts."
She said, "Well, I guess that explains the more...

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> Father Knows Best
>
> A man took his pregnant wife to the hospital to give birth, and the doctor
> told them that he had developed an experimental machine and asked if they
> would like to try it out.
> He explained carefully that the machine could take some of the pain of
> childbirth from the mother and give it to the biological father.
> Both the husband and the wife thought this was a wonderful idea and decided
> to give it a try.
> The doctor set the knob on the machine at ten percent for starters,
> explaining to the man that even ten percent was probably more pain than he
> had ever experienced.
> But the man was suprised at how litttle pain he felt and asked the doctor
> to go ahead and turn it up a notch.
> The doctor twisted the knob up to twenty percent and checked the husband's
> blood pressure, which was fine.
> Amazed, the doctor turned the knob again and increased the pain more...

A blonde was in Vegas vacationing with friends. She was standing in front of the candy machine and put two coins in, turned the knob and a candy bar fell out. She picked up the candy bar and put it in her pocket, then she proceded to put two more coins into the slot and turned the knob, again a candy bar fell out and she put it in her pocket. She put two more coins into the machine and again turned the knob producing yet another candy bar. A man was watching from a short distance away and walked up to her, he said' Excuse me Miss? What are you doing?'

She said,' Duh! I'm winning here!'