Knot Jokes / Recent Jokes

An old retired sailor puts on his old uniform and goes down to the docks once more for old time's sake. He hires a prostitute and takes her up to a room. He's going at it as best as he can for a guy his age. The old sailor asks, "How am I doing?" The prostitute replies, "Well, sailor, you're doing about three knots." "Three knots?" he replies, "What's that supposed to mean?" She says, "You're knot hard, you're knot in, and you're knot getting your money back."

A string goes into a bar, slides onto the barstool and asks the bartender to give him a beer.
"I don't serve strings," the bartender says.
The string goes home, ties himself in a knot, and frays the top of himself. He then returns to the bar and again asks the bartender to give him a beer.
"Hey, aren't you the string that was just here?" asks the bartender.
The string replies, "No... I'm a frayed knot."

A string walks into a bar and ask the waiter for a beer. The waiter says, "I am sorry but we can't serve strings here."The string goes home, ties himself in a knot, and messes up his hair. He goes back to the bar about an hour later, sits down and says, "Waiter, give me a beer." The waiter says,"Hey aren't you the string who came in here earlier."The string replies, "No, I'm a fraid knot."

ODE TO A SPELL CHECKERby Jerrold H ZarI have a spelling checker. It came with my PC. It plane lee marks four my revue Miss steaks aye can knot sea. Eye ran this poem threw it, Your sure reel glad two no. Its vary polished in it's weigh. My checker tolled me sew. A checker is a bless sing. It freeze yew lodes of thyme. It helps me right awl stiles two reed, And aides me when aye rime. Each frays come posed up on my screen Eye trussed too be a joule. The checker pours o'er every word To cheque sum spelling rule. Bee fore a veiling checker's Hour spelling mite decline, And if we're lacks oar have a laps, We wood bee maid to wine. Butt now bee cause my spelling Is checked with such grate flare, Their are know fault's with in my cite, Of nun eye am a wear. Now spelling does knot phase me, it does knot bring a tier. My pay purrs awl due glad den With wrapped word's fare as hear. To rite with care is quite a feet Of witch won should bee proud, And wee mussed dew the best wee can, Sew flaw's more...

a shoelace walks into a bar and asks for a drink. the bartender turns to him and says sorry we dont serve shoelaces here.
the shoelace leaves the bar goes and gets a haircut and ties himself into a knot.
the shoelace then returns to the bar and asks for a drink. the bartender says your that shoelace again i told you before we dont serve your kind around here. to that the shoelace replies i am not a shoelace, im a frayed knot.