Labor Jokes / Recent Jokes

A woman in the labor ward of the general hospital, legs spread wide, lets out a loud yell and out pops a little black head."There was this black guy once" she said to the midwife. Then she screamed again and out pops a yellow body. "That must be the Chinese guy I slept with" she said. Then one more scream and the baby? s white legs were born, "Ah - that was the husbands bit" she said.The doctor held up the multicolored baby and gave it a slap, then baby started crying. The woman looked at the doctor & said "Thank fuck for that, I thought it was going to bark !!!"

The president of ABC decided that it was time to build a new factory. He asked representatives from three development companies to come in and make a bid on the project. The three companies showed up at the scheduled meeting. The president of ABC asked the first company, Bruin Construction, who's president earned his MBA from UCLA, " How much will your company charge for this project?" "2 million," said Bruin. "1 million for materials and 1 million for labor." Then president then asks the same question to the second company, Cardinal Construction, whose president earned his MBA from Stanford. Cardinal answered, "3 million, 1. 5 million for materials, 1. 3 million for labor, and 0. 2 million for licenses and permits." Finally, the president asks the last company, Trojan Construction, whose president earned his MBA from USC. Trojan answered, " 4 million." "FOUR MILLION," yelled the president of ABC. "How do you breakdown more...

Q. Am I more likely to get pregnant if my husband wears boxers rather than briefs?
A. Yes, but you'll have an even better chance if he doesn't wear anything at all.
Q. What is the easiest way to figure out exactly when I got pregnant?
A. Have sex once a year.
Q. What is the most common pregnancy craving?
A. For men to be the ones who get pregnant.
Q. My blood type is O-positive and my husband's is A-negative. What if my baby is born, say, type AB-positive?
A. Then the jig is up.
Q. My husband and I are very attractive. I'm sure our baby will be beautiful enough for commercials. Whom should I contact about this?
A. Your therapist.
Q. I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A. With any luck, right after he finishes college.
Q. How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?
A. If it's the flu, you'll get better.
Q. My brother tells me that since my husband has a big nose, and genes for big noses are more...

The railways are always looking for ways to cut labor costs. Years ago there used to be five crew members on a train. Then they went to four, then three, and now many freight train crews are made up of two people, the engineman and the brakeman.
They finally figured out a way to eliminate one more crewman, and many were surprised to find out that they were eliminating the engineman. They replaced him with a baboon who had been sent to school for just one day. Most engineers study for years before they can qualify for the job.
On the first trip the brakeman was a bit leery, but thought he'd give it a try. They outfitted the cab of the engine with two color monitors, one in front of the baboon, and one in front of the brakeman.
While in the yard, the brakeman heard the carman on the radio call for the brakes to be setup for the brake test. The screen in front of the baboon flashed the message "SETUP BRAKES" and the baboon did.
Next, the carman called for the more...

A Husband and Wife go to the hospital to deliver their child. The doctor meets them and tells them that he has a new system that will allow the father to take part or all of the mothers labor pains. They both agree and the delivery begins.
The doctor turns the dial to 10%, so that the father will take 10% of the mothers pain. The husband says he feels fine, so the doctor puts it up a notch. The husband still feels fine, so the doctor puts it up to 30%. The husband still feels fine, so it goes up to 50%. The husband tells the doctor to go ahead and put it up to 100%. The husband still feels fine and the child is delivered and the wife felt virtually no pain at all.
They both go back home with their child, where they find the mailman dead on their steps!!!

Ole and Sven worked together and both were laid off, so they headed over to the unemployment office.
When Ole was asked his occupation, he replied, "Panty stitcher. I sew elastic onto cotton panties."
The clerk looked up panty stitcher and found it classed as unskilled labor, so she gave Ole $250 a week unemployment pay.
She then asked Sven what his occupation was, and he replied, "Diesel fitter."
Looking up diesel fitter, the clerk found it classed as skilled labor, so she gave Sven $500 a week.
When Ole found out, he was furious. He stormed back in to find out why his friend and co-worker was collecting double the amount that he was.
"Panty stitchers are unskilled and diesel fitters are skilled labor," the clerk explained.
"What skill?" Ole yelled. "I sew the elastic on, Sven pulls on it and says, 'Ya, diesel fitter'!"

A woman in the labor ward of the general hospital, legs spread wide, lets out a loud yell and out pops a little black head."There was this black guy once" she said to the midwife. Then she screamed again and out pops a yellow body. "That must be the Chinese guy I slept with" she said. Then one more scream and the baby? s white legs were born, "Ah - that was the husbands bit" she said. The doctor held up the multicolored baby and gave it a slap, then baby started crying. The woman looked at the doctor & said "Thank fuck for that, I thought it was going to bark! !!"