Labor Jokes / Recent Jokes
Q. How long is the average woman in labor? A. Whatever she says, divided by two.
Labor or Hard Labor.....you decide! In prison you spend the majority of your time in an 8`x 10` cell. At work you spend most of your time in a 6`x 8`cubicle. In prison you get three meals a day. At work you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it. In prison you get time off for good behavior. At work you get rewarded for good behavior with more work. In prison a guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you. At work you must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself. In prison you can watch TV and play games. At work you get fired for watching TV and playing games. In prison they allow your family and friends to visit. At work you cannot even speak to your family and friends. In prison all expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work required. At work you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners. In prison you spend most of your life looking through the bars from the inside more...
A married couple rushed to the hospital because the woman was in labor the doctor asked the couple, "I have invented a new machine that you might want to try, it takes some of the labor pains away from the mother and gives it to the father." So the married couple decided that they would try this. So the doctor hooked the machine up and put it on 10% of pain switched from the mother to the father and the husband said "I feel okay turn it up a lot more" so the doctor turned it up to 50% and the husband said "why don`t you just put it all on me cause I`m not feeling a thing" but the doctor warned them "this much could kill you if your not prepared", and the husband replied "I am ready "so the doctor turned the machine up to 100% but the husband didn`t fell a thing so they went home happy with a pain free labor, but when they got home the mailman was dead on the front porch!
A married couple went to he hospital to have their baby
delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new
machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to
the father.
He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much
in favor of it. The doctor set the pain transfer dial to 10% for
starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the
father had ever experienced before.
But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the
doctor to go ahead and bump it up a notch. The doctor then
adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still
feeling fine. The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and was
amazed at how well he was doing.
At this point they decided to try for 50%.
The husband continued to feel quite well. Since it was obviously
helping out his wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor
to more...
Q: How is a flag like Santa Claus?
A: They both hang out at the pole!
Q: What did the patriotic dog do on Flag Day?
A: He flagged his tail!
Teacher: "How did the Founding Fathers decide on our country's flag?"
Student: "I guess they took a flag poll!"
Q: What would you get if you crossed the Stars and Stripes with a cookie?
A: A Flag Newton!
Dad: "Most people don't have to work today, because it's Labor Day."
Son: "If they're not working, shouldn't it be' No-Labor' Day?"
Q: Did you hear the one about Labor Day?
A: It works for me!
Q: Where did Columbus first land in America?
A: On his feet!
Q: Who was the first cat to discover America?
A: Christopher Columpuss!
Q: How was Columbus's ship like an avid shopper?
A: They're both driven by sales!
Q: What would you get if you crossed October 12 with Halloween?
A: Ghoulumbus Day!
Things Not To Do While You Are With Your Wife In Labor In The Delivery Room
1) Clip your toenails. 2) Read a Playboy magazine. 3) Tell the doctor that you want the afterbirth to have it bronzed. 4) Flirt with the nurse. 5) Watch a football game on your portable television. 6) Tell her how pretty and sexy she looks right now.