Lake Jokes / Recent Jokes

There once was a priest who loved to golf. He was pretty good at it and had two nuns as an entourage who would follow him around and watch him play. One Saturday the priest was shooting a great round, when he came upon the eighth hole. He started off with a beautiful drive to down the fareway, and a nice chip to the green. When he goes to putt the ball it rolls straight for the hole, swerves, misses rolls down the hill and into the lake. The priest enraged by this flub in an otherwise perfect round takes out his sand wedge, bends it over his knee, and hurls it at a tree. He then screams at the top of his lungs:
"GODDAMNIT, I missed!"
The two nuns are shocked and berate him saying, "You shouldn't swear or GOD will get you."
The priest, a little abashed decides to continue his round. Amazingly, he finds that his game is improving. However when he gets to the thirteenth hole he drives a wicked slice into the water hazard, takes his penalty and winds up more...

One day a boy was drowning in a near by lake. A firefighter swam out and pulled the boy up onto the beach and began CPR. A crowed watched as the firefighter frantically pumped on the boys chest. With great amazement water was pooring from the boys mouth. Each time the firefighter pumped more water came out. A short time later seaweed started coming out, then minnows, then more water started coming out of the boys mouth. The firefighter feared this would never stop. Just then, a paramedic arrived and quickly ran over to the firefighter and b lurted out. "Hey Chief! You better get that kids ass out of the water before you pump that lake dry".

A negro was travelling in china. In a remote village, he came upon an elderly chinaman skipping stones across a lake. At each bounce of the stone off the water, the mountains surrounding the lake echoed back, "CHING... CHANG... CHUN..." The negro was amazed. He asked the chinaman what was going on. "Oh", said the chinee, "magic spirit of the lake echo back the names of your ancient ancestors as your stone skip upon the sacred waters". "Wow", said the negro, "can I try it?". "Certainly", replied the chinaman. The negro picked up the biggest stone he could find, and gave it a mighty heave across the waters... and as it skipped across the waters, the mountains echoed back "CHIM... PAN... ZEE...."

The Pope took a philosophy professor (an atheist at that) out fishing on a large lake. As they drifted on the still lake, the philosopher accidentally dropped an oar and watched it float away. The pontiff stepped out of the boat, walked across the water to the oar, grabbed it and walked back to the boat. The next day at the university, a colleague asked the philosopher if he had enjoyed fishing with the Pope. "It was okay, but would you believe that guy can't swim?"

Two old boys from Arkansas loved to fish and wanted to do some ice fishing. When they heard about it up in Canada, they decided to go up there. Just before getting to the frozen lake, they stopped at a little bait shop and got all their tackle.
"We're going to need an ice pick," one of them said. So, they got that and headed on to the lake. After a couple of hours, one of them returned to the shop and said, "We're going to need another dozen ice picks."
The fellow in the shop wanted to ask some questions, but didn't. He sold him the ice picks and the old boy returned to the lake.
An hour later, the old boy was back at the shop and said, "We're going to need all the ice picks you've got."
The man in the bait shop couldn't stand it any longer. "By the way," he asked, "how are you fellows doing?"
"Not very well at all," replied the old boy. "We don't even have the boat in the water yet."

One night a murder took place by a pond so the police were down there asking questions. A police officer goes up to the first duck and says state your name and where you were at the time of the murder. the duck replies my name is quack and i was down at the lake blowing bubbles. the cop goes to the next duck and says state your name and where you were at the time of the murder and the duck replies my name is quack quack and i was down at the lake blowing bubbles. the cop then goes on to the last duck and says let me guess your name is quack quack quack and you were down at the lake blowing bubbles and the duck says no i am bubbles.

A man walks into a bar and he sees a guy with a foot long liter. he asks "the man where did he get it?" the guy "replies there is a lamp by the lake rub it and the genie in it will grant you one wish." So the man runs to the lake finds the lamp rubs it and asks for a million bucks when he gets home there is a million ducks. He goes back to the bar and told the guy what happened. The guy replies" You think I asked for a footlong bic?"