Lake Jokes / Recent Jokes

One day at the Ricki Lake Show, the topic was ghosts. Before the show, she asks the audience "Who here has ever sensed the presence of a ghost?" and 5 people raise their hand.Then she asks "Who here has ever SEEN a ghost?" and 3 people raise their hand. Then she asks "Okay, now who here has ever had sex with a ghost?" and 1 person, an old man raises his hand.So she goes up to this old man and says "what was it like?" and he said "Oh...it was great! Never had any like it before!!" and she asked "Really? So the ghost was good??" and the old man said "GHOST!?!?!?! I thought you said GOAT!!!"

Four Mexicans were in an open truck that had run into the lake. The twoin the front seat escaped unharmed, but the two in the back bed drowned -they couldn't get the tailgate open!

Mayne and Willard, two idiots, were in a rowboat on a lake fishing. Suddenly the spray from a motorboat racing by flooded their boat. "How we gonna get the water out?" asked Mayne. "Easy," said Willard. "We just bore a hole in the bottom of the boat and let the water drain out." The men drilled a hole in the bottom, and more water started rushing in. "Wait a minute!" exclaimed Mayne. "We need another hole so's the water comin' in through the first one has a place to go back into the lake!"

Two old guys were fishing in a boat on Lake Michigan. A bottle comes floating by in the current. One codger scoops it up, sees a cork in the top, and yanks it out. A genie pops out in a puff of smoke and says, "You get one wish between the two of you--make it a good one." The old man in the front of the boat yells back to his fishing buddy. "Lemme handle this--I know just what to ask for!"He looks at the genie and says, "We want the whole lake to be turned into ice cold beer!" The genie nods and says, "You got it, boys!"And instantaneously, the whole lake is beer! The old man in the back of the boat throws a life preserver, smacks his buddy up-side the head, and yells out, "You idiot! Why the heck did you do that?" ""Whadaya talking about?" the other fisherman answers. "I thought you'd like a lake-full of beer. What's the problem?" "I do like it... but the problem is... now we gotta piss in the more...

IDIOTS AT PLAY... A TRUE REPORT HEARD OVER THE RADIO...

A guy buys a brand new Jeep Grand Cherokee for $30, 000 and has $400+
monthly payments. He and a friend go duck hunting and of course all the
lakes are frozen. These two guys go to the lake with the guns, the dog,
the beer, and of course the new vehicle. They drive out onto the lake ice
and get ready. Now, they want to make some kind of a natural landing area
for the ducks, something for the decoys to float on. In order to make a
hole large enough to look like something a wandering duck would fly down
and land on, it is going to take a little more effort than an ice hole
drill. So, out of the back of the new Grand Cherokee comes a stick of
dynamite with a short, 40-second fuse.

Now these two Rocket Scientists do take into consideration not to place
the stick of dynamite on the ice at a location where they are standing
(and the new Grand Cherokee), more...

One afternoon this guy drives down a highway to visit a nearby lake and relax. On his way to the lake, a guy dressed from head to toe in red standing on the side of the highway gestures for him to stop. The guy rolls down the window and says, "How can I help you?" "I am the red jerk of the highway. You got something to eat?" With a smile in his face, the guy hands a sandwich to the guy in red and drives away. Not even five minutes later, he comes across another guy. This guy is dressed fully in yellow, standing on the side and waving for him to stop. A bit irritated, our guy stops, cranks down the window, and says, "What can I do for you?" "I am the yellow jerk of the highway. You got something to drink?" Hardly managing to smile this time, he hands the guy a can of Coke and stomps on the pedal and takes off again. In order to make it to the lakeside before sunset, he decides to go faster and not stop no matter what. To his frustration, he sees more...

The dilapidated wife
There was this married couple who showed up for their honeymoon at a fishing resort on the edge of a beautiful lake. They arrived very early in the morning after a long drive and the man immediately went out fishing alone in a rowboat.
He returned just before dinner and then went out again until the sun fell. He then went to drink alone in the bar until midnight. The next morning, he awoke before five and was out again on the lake before the sun came up.
This went on for three days. The manager of the hotel started wondering about the man and took him aside.
"What's wrong? Most newlyweds can't keep their hands off each other. But you hardly spend any time with her. You're always out on the lake fishing."
"Yeah. I like women. But my wife, she has gonorrhea."
"Oh! I understand. But still, a man has urges. And there are other ways, like..."
"Yeah. I've thought of having anal sex with her, but you more...