Lake Jokes / Recent Jokes
Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs are roaming in the forest when they come across a lake. The water was enticing and Snow White decides to take a bath. So she tells the Dwarfs to turn around while she is taking a bath in the lake. The Dwarfs protest vehemently because they want to take a bath too. Snow White relents and says "When I get into the water and you hear the splash, you can turn around." Snow White undresses and as she is about to jump into water, at that very moment, she is startled by a frog who jumps into water before she can. The moment the Dwarfs hear the SPLASH, they turn around and see Snow White standing NAKED. Now, given that this incident is an idea for a TV ad, what product is being advertised? Scroll down for the answer.?????????????????? Come on now, this should be easy for a person of your mental powers!????????????????????? The product being advertised is...??????????????????? SEVEN UP!
The curator of an art gallery asked an artist for a painting depicting General Custer's last thoughts.
Two weeks later, the artist unveiled the painting, an enormous canvas with a lovely blue lake painted in its center, with a fish leaping from the water with a shining halo around its head. On the shores of the lake were the most detailed pictures of Indians fornicating.
After gaping at the painting for some time, the enraged curator demanded to know what the theme was supposed to be.
The artist said, "You asked for a painting of Custer's last thoughts," he explained. "That's it. Custer was thinking,' Holy mackerel, where did all those fucking Indians come from?'"
Dick brings a friend to play golf with two of his buddies to complete a foursome. His buddies ask him if his friend can play golf. Dick says that he is very good.
This guy hits the ball on the first hole in the bush, so his buddies look at him and say, "You said your friend was a good golfer." Dick says "Yes, he is watch him play." They see the ball come out of the bush on the green. This guy takes two putts to make par.
Second hole is par 3. This guy hits the ball into the lake. The two buddies looks at Dick again and say "You said this guy was good" Dick replies that this guy was a great player.
So the guy walks into the the lake. Three minutes later they can't see the guy. All of a sudden they see a hand come out of the water. They tell Dick to dive in the lake to go get his friend, he's drowning. Dick replies "No, that means he wants a 5 iron".
In the dead of summer a fly was resting on a leaf beside a lake. He was ahot, dry fly who said to no one in particular, "Gosh! If I go down threeinches I will feel the mist from the water and I will be refreshed."There was a fish in the water thinking, "Gosh! If that fly goes down threeinches I can eat him."There was a bear on the shore thinking, "Gosh! If that fly goes down threeinches... that fish will jump for the fly... and I will eat him."It also happened that a hunter was further up the bank of the lake, preparing to eat a cheese sandwich. "Gosh!" he thought, "If that fly goesdown three inches... and that fish leaps for it... that bear will exposehimself and grab for the fish. I'll shoot the bear and then have a properlunch."You probably think this is enough activity for one bank of a lake, but Ican tell you there was more. A wee mouse by the hunter's foot was thinking, "Gosh! If that fly goes downthree inches... and that more...
These two Polish guys rent a boat and go fishing in a lake. They are amazed at the number of fish that they caught that day, so one says to the other, "We'll have to come back here tomorrow!"
The other asks, "But how will we remember where this spot is?"
The first guy then takes a can of spray paint, paints an X on the bottom of the boat, and says, "We'll just look for this X
tomorrow."
The other guy says, "You idiot! How do you know we'll get the same boat?"
Three guys were fishing in a lake one day, when an angel appeared in the boat. When the three astonished men had settled down enough to speak, the first guy asked the angel humbly, "I've suffered from back pain ever since I took shrapnel in the Vietnam War... Could you help me?" "Of course," the angel said, and when he touched the man's back, the man felt relief for the first time in years. The second guy who wore very thick glasses and had a hard time reading and driving. He asked if the angel could do anything about his poor eyesight. The angel smiled, removed the man's glasses and tossed them into the lake. When they hit the water, the man's eyes cleared and he could see everything distinctly. When the angel turned to the third guy, the guy put his hands out defensively - "Don't touch me!" he cried, "I'm on a disability pension."
One day at the Ricki Lake Show, the topic was ghosts. Before the show, she asks the audience "Who here has ever sensed the presence of a ghost?" and 5 people raise their hand.
Then she asks "Who here has ever SEEN a ghost?" and 3 people raise their hand. Then she asks "Okay, now who here has ever had sex with a ghost?" and 1 person, an old man raises his hand.
So she goes up to this old man and says "what was it like?" and he said "Oh...it was great! Never had any like it before!!" and she asked "Really? So the ghost was good??" and the old man said "GHOST!?!?!?! I thought you said GOAT!!!"