Lantern Jokes

A man and his wife live in a row house where all of the houses look alike. The wife tells the husband that everytime he goes out he returns to the wrong house and disturbs the neighbors.
To fix the problem the man puts a lantern on his porch to remind him of his house.
So, like clockwork he goes out and gets plastered. Upon returning home he sees the lantern and says to himself "Theres my house and there's the lantern I put on the porch."
Satisfied with himself he walks onto the porch and puts his key in the door, "I knew it, this my house cause my key works."
Now even more impressed with himself, he enters into the house and goes to his bedroom. Upon entering he exclaims, "I knew this was my house cause there is my wife, and there I am in bed with her!"

A young man and an old man were fishing on a pier. The young man started telling the old one that the night before he caught a trout that was over 3 1/2 foot long.
The old man replied "Oh yea, well I was here 2 nights ago and I hooked something huge. After a 30 minute fight I finaly got it up and it was an old lantern and the thing was still lit."
The young man said "Your lying. I can't believe that."
Then the old man said "I'll tell you what, you knock a couple of foot off your trout and I'll blow out my lantern."

Pappy sees Elmer walking with a lantern and asks, "Where ya going boy?"The son smiled and replied, "I'm a-going courting Peggy-Sue."The Father said, "When I went a-courtin', I didn't need me no dang lantern.""Sure Pa, I know." the boy said. "And look what you got !"

The country doctor headed out into the boondocks to deliver a baby. This place was so far out that there was no electricity. When he arrived there was no one home except the expectant mother and her 6 year old child.
The doctor told the child to hold a lantern up high so he would be able see while he helped the mother deliver. The child held the lantern as the doctor instructed. The mother began to push and after a while the doctor lifted the newborn by the feet and spanked him on the bottom to get him to take his first breath.
"Spank him again," the child said. "He never should have crawled up there in the first place!"

A man and his wife live in a row house where all of the houses look alike. The wife tells the husband that every time he goes out he returns to the wrong house and disturbs the neighbors.
To fix the problem the man puts a lantern on his porch to remind him of his house.
So, like clockwork he goes out and gets plastered. Upon returning home he sees the lantern and says to himself "There's my house and there's the lantern I put on the porch."
Satisfied with himself he walks onto the porch and puts his key in the door, "I knew it, this my house cause my key works."
Now even more impressed with himself, he enters into the house and goes to his bedroom. Upon entering he exclaims, "I knew this was my house cause there is my wife, and there I am in bed with her!"