Larger Jokes / Recent Jokes

A pair of tourists were out in the fields when they discovered an abandoned well near an old farm house. Of course they're curious so they drop a small stone into the well, but they never hear it hit bottom. They search and find a larger rock and drop it into the well but once again hear nothing. They decide they need something larger and search the farm yard for a larger object. After much struggle, they manage to drag a large railroad tie to the edge of the well and drop it over the edge. After several seconds, a goat tears across the yard and without any hesitation, dives head first into the open hole. The two tourists stand in amazement. About then a farmer appears and tells them he is looking for a lost goat. The tourists tell the farmer about the goat diving into the well. "That couldn't be my goat", the farmer replies, "My goat was grazing in the field roped to a railroa d tie!"

A pair of tourists were out in the fields when they discovered an abandoned well near an old farm house. Of course they are curious so they drop a small stone into the well, but they never hear it hit bottom.

They search and find a larger rock and drop it into the well but once again hear nothing. They decide they need something larger and search the farm yard for a larger object.

After much struggle, they manage to drag a large railroad tie to the edge of the well and drop it over the edge. After several seconds, a goat tears across the yard and without any hesitation, dives head first into the open hole.

The two tourists stand in amazement. About then a farmer appears and tells them he is looking for a lost goat.

The tourists tell the farmer about the goat diving into the well.

"That couldnt be my goat", the farmer replies, "My goat was grazing in the field roped to a railroad tie!"

A man was working in a scrap yard during summer vacation at an engineering university.
One afternoon, he was taking apart a piling hammer that had some very large bolts holding it together. One of the nuts had corroded on to the bolt; to free it, he started heating the nut with an oxy-acetylene torch.
As he was doing this, one of the dimmest apprentices, Banta, came along. He asked him what he was doing.
He patiently explained that if he heated the nut, it would grow larger and release its grip on the bolt so he could then remove it.
"So things get larger when they get hot, do they?" Banta asked.
Suddenly, an idea flashed into his mind, "Yes," he said, "that`s why days are longer in summer and shorter in winter."
There was a long pause, then his face cleared, "You know, I always wondered about that," he said

One morning around 5am 22 year old Susan DeLucci of Kittery, Maine, woke up with a painful need to urinate.
At first she thought she had diarrhea, but when she stood up out of bed, she realized that it was urinary pain.
It was very similar to the feeling of having diarrhea, just out the wrong hole.
She wobbled to the toilet and upon sitting on it, her vagina erupted into the most horrific messy farting noise anyone has ever heard.
In paralyzing pain, Ms. DeLucci for the next few minutes continued to push and squirt out of her vagina a burning tide of wretch and filth while she gripped the sides of the toilet, white-knuckled.
She was screaming wildly, and the neighbors called the police. When medics arrived they found Ms. DeNucci unconscious lying on the floor of her bathroom wearing nothing but her bath robe.
Running down her leg, was a stream of brown and green syrup. The medic had to transfer her to a stretcher, so he grabbed her left leg which was bent more...

One morning around 5am 22 year old Susan DaLucci of Kittery, Maine, woke up with a painful need to urinate. At first she thought she had diarrhea, but when she stood up out of bed, she realized that it was urinary pain. It was very similar to the feeling of having diarrhea, just but the wrong hole.

She wobbled to the toilet and upon sitting on it, her vagina erupted into the most horrific messy farting noise anyone has ever heard. In paralyzing pain, Ms. DeLucci for the next few minutes continued to push and squirt out of her vagina a burning tide of wretch and filth while she gripped the sides of the toilet, white-knuckled.

She was screaming wildly, and the neighbors called the police. When medics arrived they found Ms. DeLucci unconscious lying on the floor of her bathroom wearing nothing but her bath robe. Running down her leg, was a stream of brown and green syrup.

The medic had to transfer her to a stretcher, so he grabbed her left leg which was more...

One day Fred decided he wanted to take up deer hunting. So Fred went to the local sporting goods stored and asked the shopkepper. "I need a really nice gun to hunt deer with"
The shopkeeper gave him a gun and said, "This gun is perfect for any deer"
Taking the gun, and jumping into his Jeep the new hunter went into the woods to search for deer. While looking around for his new sport, he saw nothing. Then, when he was just about ready to give up he saw a Bear in the distance. Not wanting to waste this journey he took aim and, BOOM! When the smoke cleared to his surprise, no bear.
Suddenly, Fred felt a tap on his shoulder. Turning, he saw the bear.
"What the hell do you think you are doing?" asked the bear.
"I'm sorry, I did mean to, I'll never do it again!" whined Fred.
"Pull down your pants, just so you understand how serious I am" explains the Bear.
Reluctantly, Fred does this and WHAM, the bear screws him more...

One day Fred decided he wanted to take up deer hunting. So Fred went to the local sporting goods stored and asked the shopkepper. "I need a really nice gun to hunt deer with"The shopkeeper gave him a gun and said, "This gun is perfect for any deer"Taking the gun, and jumping into his Jeep the new hunter went into the woods to search for deer. While looking around for his new sport, he saw nothing. Then, when he was just about ready to give up he saw a Bear in the distance. Not wanting to waste this journey he took aim and, BOOM! When the smoke cleared to his surprise, no bear.Suddenly, Fred felt a tap on his shoulder. Turning, he saw the bear."What the hell do you think you are doing?" asked the bear."I'm sorry, I did mean to, I'll never do it again!" whined Fred."Pull down your pants, just so you understand how serious I am" explains the Bear.Reluctantly, Fred does this and WHAM, the bear screws him up the ass.All pissed off Fred more...