Late Jokes / Recent Jokes

John had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about it.

So John went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. John slept well and in fact beat the alarm in the morning. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work.

"Boss", he said, "The pill actually worked!"

"That's all fine" said the boss, "But where were you yesterday?"

The Unofficial Manual for Graduate Teaching Assistants Teaching Introductory Computer Science Courses for Non-majors LATE HOMEWORK When a student turns in his/her project two weeks late and asks for full credit, accept the late work and tell them that it will be awarded full credit. However, do inform them that you will not have time to grade it until after you complete your Ph. D. DISRUPTIVE STUDENTS 1. If students will not stop talking when the class period begins, announce that there will be a quiz the following day on today's lecture. Then leave. 2. If your students are prone to reading the school paper in class, try taking out a full page ad in the paper informing them that they are going to flunk your class. LECTURES 1. In the event that you are unprepared for a lecture, be sure to use the class time to stress to the class the importance of keeping up with the readings. In fact, spend most of the class time stressing this. 2. When the time comes to lecture on a subject you know more...

There Are Three Mans In That One Man Know The Word We Three Another For Our Happiness And Another Com Fast Then Why Late They
Went To A Country There In The Way From The Airport To Their Lodge They Found An Accidentthe Police Caeme They Asked Them Who
Did It They Said We Three He Asked For What The Other Said For Our Happiness He Said Then Then Come To The Police Station
Another Man Said Then Come Fast Why Late.

The Heading^
The Newspaper Heading Read As Follows: A Man Killed By A Cancelled Train

Little Johnnie was late for class, and when he saw that the door was already closed, he opened it and went into the classroom tentatively. He very quietly shut the door and tiptoed to his seat hoping not to get the teacher after him.
This upset the teacher, who said him, "Johnnie, is this how your father would have come in - late and sneaking to his seat? Go out and try it again, and get it right this time!"
So, Little Johnnie left the room and shut the door behind him quietly, as he'd come in. Then a moment later, he flung open the door with a clatter and stomped back into the room with a lit cigarette dangling from his lips. He slammed the door behind him, put his cigarette out on the carpet with his foot and said,
"So Honey, didn't expect ME, did ya?"

A young boy came to Sunday School late. His teacher knew that he was usually very prompt and asked him if anything was wrong.The boy replied no, that he was going fishing but his dad told him that he needed to go to church.The teacher was very impressed and asked the boy if his dad had explained to him why it was more important to go to church than to go fishing?The boy replied, "Yes he did. Dad said he didn't have enough bait for both of us."

Teacher: What are you doing, crawling into school ten minutes late? Pupil: Well you told me never to walk into school ten minutes late!

The precocious teen-ager returned late from school one afternoon and confessed to his mother that he made love to his girlfriend on the way home. "I'm disappointed in you," his mother scolded. "But for telling the truth, you may go to the corner for a milk shake."
The next day, the boy came home late again, and this time he confessed to making love to one of the neighbors' wives. "Well, at least you're still honest," he was told, and again he was rewarded with a milk shake.
On the third day, the boy strode into the house and proudly announced to both of his parents that he had stayed after school to make love to his teacher. As his mother began to scold him, the father picked up a frying pan, "Don't hit him," she pleaded. "At least he told the truth."
"Hit him, hell," his father exclaimed. "I'm going to cook him a steak. How long do you expect him to keep this up on those lousy milk shakes?"