Latin Jokes / Recent Jokes

Here is a true story regarding exams at Cambridge University. It seems that during an examination one day, a bright young student popped up and asked the proctor to bring him Cakes and Ale.

The following dialogue ensued:

Proctor: I beg your pardon?
Student: I request that you bring me Cakes and Ale.
Proctor: Sorry, no.
Student: Sir, I really must insist. I request and require that you bring me Cakes and Ale.

At this point the student produced a copy of the four hundred year old Laws of Cambridge, written in Latin and still nominally in effect, and pointed to the section which read (rough translation from the Latin): "Gentlemen sitting examinations may request and require Cakes and Ale."

Pepsi and hamburgers were judged the modern equivalent, and the student sat there, writing his examination and happily slurping away.

Three weeks later the student was fined five pounds for not wearing a sword to the more...

How to Argue Effectively I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me. You too can win arguments. Simply follow these rules: -=- Make things up. Suppose, in the Peruvian economy argument, you are trying to prove that Peruvians are underpaid, a position you base solely on the fact that YOU are underpaid, and you are not going to let a bunch of Peruvians be better off. DON'T say: "I think Peruvians are underpaid." Say instead: "The average Peruvian's salary in 1981 dollars adjusted for the revised tax base is $1,452.81 per annum, which is $836.07 before the mean gross poverty level." NOTE: Always make up exact figures. If an opponent asks you where you got your information, make THAT up too. Say: "This information comes from Dr. Hovel T. Moon's study for the Buford Commission more...

"Quaylisms"
"I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have
was that I didn't study Latin harder in school so I could converse
with those people."
- J. Danforth Quayle
"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." - J. Danforth
Quayle
"Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and
child."
- Vice President Dan Quayle
"Welcome to President Bush, Mrs. Bush, and my fellow astronauts." -
Vice President Dan Quayle
"Mars is essentially in the same orbit... Mars is somewhat the same
distance from the Sun, which is very important. We have seen pictures
where there are canals, we believe, and water. If there is water, that
means there is oxygen. If oxygen, that means we can breathe."
- Vice President Dan Quayle, 8/11/89
"What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or not to have a mind is
being very wasteful. How more...