Laura Jokes / Recent Jokes

MEN AND WOMEN COMPARE THE FOLLOWING:

NICKNAMES:
If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose. If Mike, Charlie, Bob and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.


EATING OUT:
When the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Bob and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32. 50. None of them will have anything smaller,

and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY:
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.


BATHROOMS:
A man has six items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, comb, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to more...

MEN and WOMEN, COMPARED:
MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.
BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
CATS
Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.
FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.
DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water more...

Oh, Laura! cried her neighbor, "I'm so very sorry to hear about the loss of your husband. He was such a wonderful man. I'm sure he left you well provided for, didn't he?"Laura dabbed at her eyes and muttered, "Yes, he was a very caring husband and he left me almost half a million dollars in his will. I miss him so much that I'd give fifty thousand just to have him back!"

George and Laura are at the first baseball game of the year, and everyone is yelling and screaming.
One of the President's cabinet advisors whispers advice into his ear, at which point George stands up and throws Laura out onto the field.
The crowd goes deathly silent and the advisor says, "No, sir, what I said was, they want you to throw out the first pitch."

George and Laura are at the first baseball game of the year, and everyone is yelling and screaming.

One of the President''s cabinet advisors whispers advice into his ear, at which point George stands up and throws Laura out onto the field.

The crowd goes deathly silent and the advisor says, "No, sir, what I said was, they want you to throw out the first pitch."

"Oh, Laura!" cried her neighbor, "I'm so very sorry to hear about the loss of your husband. He was such a wonderful man. I'm sure he left you well provided for, didn't he?"
Laura dabbed at her eyes and muttered, "Yes, he was a very caring husband and he left me almost half a million dollars in his will. I miss him so much that I'd give fifty thousand just to have him back!"

NICKNAMES: If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose. But if Mike, Charlie, Bob and John go out for a beer, they will affectionately refer to each other as LardAss, Butt-Breath, Peanut-Head and Useless. EATING OUT: When the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Bob and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $22. 50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators. BATHROOMS: A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items. ARGUMENTS: A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument! DRESSING UP: A man will dress up for weddings, funerals. A woman will more...