Lawyer Jokes / Recent Jokes

What do a male prostitute and a lawyer have in common?
They both make a living fucking people up the ass

A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?"
"I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill."
The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try. The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills. When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.

Morris needs a lawyer, so he grabs the yellow
pages and picks out a law firm ---Schwartz,
Schwartz, Schwartz & Schwartz. He calls up and says, "Is Mr. Schwartz in?" The man says, "No, he's out playing golf." Morris says, "All right, then let me speak to Mr. Schwartz." "He's not with the firm any more, he's retired." "Then let me talk to Mr. Schwartz." "He's away in Boston, won't be back for a month.""Okay, then let me talk to the other Mr. Schwartz." He says, "Speaking!"

A judge, bored and frustrated by a lawyer’s tedious arguments, had made numerous rulings to speed the trial along. The attorney had bristled at the judge’s orders, and their tempers grew hot. Finally, frustrated with another repetition of arguments he had heard many times before, the judge pointed to his ear and said, “Counselor, you should be aware that at this point, what you are saying is just going in one ear and out the other. ”
“Your honor, ” replied the lawyer, “That goes without saying. What is there to prevent it? ”

A Sindhi lawyer?: Case-wani.

A Sindhi lawyer after a case?: Purse-wani.

A blue-skier Sindhi?: Akash-wani.

What is a communist Sindhi called? Lalwani.

What is a Sindhi who falls from the first floor called? Thadani.

What is a Sindhi who falls from the 17th. floor called? Kriplani.

What is a Sindhi who falls from the 30th. floor called? Marjani.

Lawyer: "Now that you have been acquitted, will you tell me truly? Did you steal the car?"
Client: "After hearing your amazing argument in court this morning, I'm beginning to think I didn't."

Wanting to show off his car to his colleagues, the successful, young lawyer parked his new Lexus in front of the office. As he was getting out of it, a truck passed too closely and tore off the door on the driver's side. The lawyer immediately called 911 on his cell phone and summoned the police, who arrived within minutes.
Before the officer had the opportunity to ask any questions, the lawyer began ranting and raving hysterically. He had just picked up his new car that morning and said it would never be the same, no matter what the body shop did to it.
Shaking his head in total disbelief and disgust, the officer said to him, "It's unbelievable how materialistic you lawyers really are. You're so focused on your possessions, you haven't even noticed anything else."
"How could you possibly say such a thing?" the lawyer asked.
"Are you aware that your left arm is missing from the elbow down?" the officer replied. "It must have been torn more...