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Due to increasing product liability litigation, wine manufacturers have accepted the Medical Association's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all wine bottles:
1. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
2. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a moron.
3. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to smash your head in.
4. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.
5. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 am in the morning!
6. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your trousers.
7. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
8. more...
Due to increasing products liability litigation alcohol manufacturers have accepted the Medical Association's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all alcohol containers:
=> WARNING Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
=> WARNING Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a w**ker.
=> WARNING Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.
=> WARNING Consumption of alcohol may cause you to shay shings like thish.
=> WARNING Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.
=> WARNING Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your trousers.
=> WARNING Consumption of alcohol may think you can converse logically with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
=> WARNING more...
Due to increasing products liability litigation, beer manufacturers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all beer containers.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
WARNING: CONSUMPTION of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an asshole.
WARNING: CONSUMPTION of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.
WARNING: CONSUMPTION of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.
WARNING: CONSUMPTION of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.
WARNING: CONSUMPTION of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your pants.
WARNING: CONSUMPTION of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers.
WARNING: CONSUMPTION of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see more...
A first grade teacher collected well known proverbs. She gave each kid in the class the first half of the proverb, and asked them to come up with the rest. Here is what the kids came up with:
Better to be safe than....................punch a 5th grader.
Strike while the.........................bug is close.
It's always darkest before..............daylight savings time.
Never underestimate the power of............termites.
You can lead a horse to water but. ..........how?
Don't bite the hand that.......................looks dirty.
No news is.........................impossible.
A miss is as good as a........................Mr.
You can't teach an old dog.....................math.
If you lie down with dogs, you.......will stink in the morning.
Love all, trust........................me.
The pen is mightier than......................the pigs.
An idle mind is......................the best way to relax.
Where there is more...
A man was driving his truck down an old country lane, when his truck stalled and fell into a ditch. Well, it just so happend to be that there was a farmer about a block away from the accident. The man saw that that farmer had a horse and asked if his horse could pull out his truck. The farmer said "
Ok, here, can you hold these?"
yet the farmer handed him nothing. The man looked at him with curiosity, and and started to ask"
Why a..."
but the farmer cut him off by putting a finger to his lips. The farmer garbed the horses lead rope and folowed the man to his truck. So, when they got there, the man attched the 1 horse to the truck, and then stomped his feet, as if to imatate walking. Then finally, he said, "
Pull Silver, pull!"
"
Pull Ginger, Pull!"
"
Pull, Buddy, Pull!"
"
Pull, Geto, Pull"
Silver started to pull, and then soon the truck was out of the ditch. The man more...