"Beer warning labels" joke

Due to increasing products liability litigation, beer manufacturers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all beer containers.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
WARNING: CONSUMPTION of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an asshole.
WARNING: CONSUMPTION of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.
WARNING: CONSUMPTION of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.
WARNING: CONSUMPTION of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.
WARNING: CONSUMPTION of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your pants.
WARNING: CONSUMPTION of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers.
WARNING: CONSUMPTION of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and or name you can't remember).
WARNING: CONSUMPTION of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.
WARNING: CONSUMPTION of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named FRANZ.
WARNING: CONSUMPTION of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.
WARNING: CONSUMPTION of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
WARNING: CONSUMPTION of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.
WARNING: CONSUMPTION of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy.