Leader Jokes / Recent Jokes

Attention: Human Resources Joe Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found hard at work in his cubicle. Joe works independently, without wasting company time talking to colleagues. Joe never thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always finishes given assignments on time. Often Joe takes extended measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee breaks. Joe is an individual who has absolutely no vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Joe can be classed as a high-calibre employee, the type which cannot be dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Joe be promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be executed as soon as possible. Regards, Project Leader e-mail two Attention: Human Resources Joe Smith was reading over my shoulder while I wrote the report sent to you earlier today. Kindly read only the odd numbered lines [1, 3, 5, etc.] for my true assessment of his ability. more...

[Royters: Dateline Washington]
Joe Motzeratz Reporting
Justice Department Siege Section's Helicopters & Tanks Rolling Towards Redmond
With the clock ticking ever closer to the deadline imposed by the Justice Department and the leaders of the Redmond WA based cult promising a fight to the end, Attorney General Janet Reno has informed the Justice Department's Siege Section to start the helicopters and tanks rolling towards Microsoft's campus in Redmond Washington; as well as cutting off the avenues of escape for Cult Leader Gates to his fortified redoubt on the lake, known as "C:/"..
Attorney General Reno stated that with such a formidable foe as Microsoft, and their response to her edict, that it would have to be a Take No Prisoners operation as the threat to the community at large is even more egregious than the mentally troubled widow in Illinois, and a much greater threat than the situation that first propelled her to prominence.
Apparently, Attorney more...

Banta joins the suicide bomber squad, so when he is given a mission to suicide in the enemies camp. His leader supply him a lot of weapons and bombs stacked to his body and mobile for communications.
He lands up in the enemy's camp, called his boss: Sir, there are 2 enemies soldier, can I suicide now?
Leader: No, not for two, wait till you see more soldiers.
Banta: Sir now there are 25 can I do it now?
Boss: Wait for more.
Banta: Sir, now I am in a midst of 100 soldiers, can I suicide now?
Boss: Yes, go ahead, you will be a martyr, don't worry about your family, we will look after.
Banta pulls his knife and stabs himself in his chest.

Five cannibals get appointed as programmers in an IT company. During the welcoming ceremony the boss says: "You're all part of our team now. You can earn good money here, and you can go to the company canteen for something to eat. So don't trouble the other employees." The cannibals promise not to trouble the other employees. Four weeks later the boss returns and says: "You're all working very hard, and I'm very satisfied with all of you. One of our cleaners has disappeared however. Do any of you know what happened to her?" The cannibals disavow all knowledge of the missing cleaner. After the boss has left, the leader of the cannibals says to the others: "Which of you idiots ate the cleaner?" A hand raises hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals says: "You fool! For four weeks we've been eating Team Leaders, Managers, and Project Managers so no-one would notice anything, and you have to go and eat the cleaner!"

With the hunchback still dead, and his no-armed replacement still dead, the church leader still needs a bell ringer. He posts a sign outside the church and another no-armed man shows up to take the job.

The frustrated church leader says, "The last no-armed guy died trying to ring this bell, what makes you think you can do it?"

The no-armed man says, "I've been without my arms since birth and therefore have much more experience. Besides, I desperately need the job to feed my family."

The church leader, feeling sorry for the man, says, "OK give it a try."

And, as expected, the no-armed man tries to pull the rope with his teeth, stumbles and falls to his death.

The church leader rushes down to the sidewalk just as a policeman arrives. The policeman says, "OK, this is two deaths in two days. Does anybody know who this guy is?"

The church leader says, "I'm sorry, I didn't ask, but more...

Love Marriage: Resembles procedural programming language. We have some set functions like flirting, going to movies together, making long conversations on phone and then try to fit all functions to the candidate we like.

Arranged Marriage: Similar to object oriented programming approach. We first fix the candidate and then try to implement functions on her. The main object is fixed and various functions are added to supplement the main program. The functions can be added or deleted.

Love Marriage: It is a throwaway type of prototype as client requirements rises with time thus it is a dynamic system and difficult to maintain.

Arranged Marriage: Requirements are well defined so use of waterfall model is possible.

Love Marriage: Family system hangs because hardware called parents are not responding.
Arranged Marriage: Compatible with hardware Parents.

Love Marriage: You are the project leader so u are responsible for more...

Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews
had to leave Italy. There was, of course, a huge outcry from
the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal. He would
have a religious debate with a leader of the Jewish
community. If the Jewish leader won the debate, the Jews
would be permitted to stay in Italy. If the Pope won, the
Jews would have to leave.
The Jewish community met and picked an aged Rabbi, Moishe,
to represent them in the debate. Rabbi Moishe, however, could
not speak Latin and the Pope could not speak Yiddish. So it
was decided that this would be a "silent" debate.
On the day of the great debate, the Pope and Rabbi Moishe
sat opposite each other for a full minute before the Pope
raised his hand and showed three fingers.
Rabbi Moishe looked back and raised one finger.
Next, the Pope waved his finger around his head.
Rabbi Moishe pointed to the ground where he sat.
The Pope then more...