Pump Jokes

A US Air Force C-141 is scheduled to leave Thule Air Base, Greenland at midnight. During the pilot’s preflight check, he discovers that the latrine holding tank is still full from the last flight. So a message is sent to the base, and an airman who was off duty is called out to take care of it. The young man finally gets to the air base and makes his way to the aircraft, only to find that the latrine pump truck has been left outdoors and is frozen solid, so he must find another one in the hangar, which takes even more time. He returns to the aircraft and is less than enthusiastic about what he has to do. Nevertheless, he goes about the pumping job deliberately and carefully (and slowly) so as to not risk criticism later.
As he’s leaving the plane, the pilot stops him and says,
“Son, your attitude and performance has caused this flight to be late, and I’m going to personally see to it that you are not just reprimanded, but punished. ”
Shivering in the cold, his more...

People have been complaining about the rising price of gasoline recently, but I have always thought that gas was a good value (especially if you were to take the $0. 30, $0. 40 per gallon tax off at the pump)! Obviously others need a little convincing. So the article in this week's "Autoweek" magazine brought it all to light. What if you were to buy a gallon of. . . - Diet Snapple 16 oz for $1. 29 = $10. 32 per gallon - Lipton Ice Tea 16 oz for $1. 19 = $9. 52 per gallon - Gatorade 20 oz for $1. 59 = $10. 17 per gallon - Ocean Spray 16 oz for $1. 25 = $10. 00 per gallon - Quart of Milk 16 oz for $1. 59 = $6. 32 per gallon - Evian (water) 9 oz for $1. 49 = $21. 19 per gallon - STP Brake Fluid 12 oz for $3. 15 = $33. 60 per gallon - Vicks Nyquil 6 oz for $8. 35 = $178. 13 per gallon - Pepto Bismol 4 oz for $3. 85 = $123. 20 per gallon - Whiteout 7 oz for $1. 39 = $254. 17 per gallon - Scope 1. 5 oz for $0. 99 = $84. 84 per gallon So next time you're at the pump, be glad your more...

People have been complaining about the rising price of gasoline recently, but I have always thought that gas was a good value (especially if you were to take the $0.30, $0.40 per gallon tax off at the pump)! Obviously others need a little convincing. So the article in this week's "Autoweek" magazine brought it all to light. What if you were to buy a gallon of... - Diet Snapple 16 oz for $1.29 = $10.32 per gallon - Lipton Ice Tea 16 oz for $1.19 = $9.52 per gallon - Gatorade 20 oz for $1.59 = $10.17 per gallon - Ocean Spray 16 oz for $1.25 = $10.00 per gallon - Quart of Milk 16 oz for $1.59 = $6.32 per gallon - Evian (water) 9 oz for $1.49 = $21.19 per gallon - STP Brake Fluid 12 oz for $3.15 = $33.60 per gallon - Vicks Nyquil 6 oz for $8.35 = $178.13 per gallon - Pepto Bismol 4 oz for $3.85 = $123.20 per gallon - Whiteout 7 oz for $1.39 = $254.17 per gallon - Scope 1.5 oz for $0.99 = $84.84 per gallon So next time you're at the pump, be glad your car doesn't run on Nyquil or more...

Japan Times-April 16, 1997

"The government must crack down on this disgusting craze of "Pumping", a spokesman for the Nakhon Ratchasima hospital told reporters. "If this perversion catches on, it will destroy the cream of Thailand's manhood."

He was speaking after the remains of 13 year-old Charnchai Puanmuangpak had been rushed into the hospital's emergency room. "Most' Pumpers' use a standard bicycle pump," he explained, "inserting the nozzle far up their rectum, giving themselves a rush of air, creating a momentary high. This act is a sin against God."

Charnchai took it further still. He started using a two-cylinder foot pump, but even that wasn't exciting enough for him, and he boasted to friends that he was going to try the compressed air hose at a nearby gasoline station. They dared him to do it so, under cover of darkness, he snuck in.

Not realizing how powerful the machine was, he inserted more...

Makes one think, and puts things in perspective:
Diet Snapple....16 oz $1.29... $10.32 per gallon
Lipton Ice Tea..16 oz $1.19... $ 9.52 per gallon
Gatorade... 20 oz $1.59... $10.17 per gallon
Ocean Spray... 16 oz $1.25... $10.00 per gallon
Brake Fluid... 12 oz $3.15... $33.60 per gallon
Vick's Nyquil... 6 oz $8.35... $178.13 per gallon
Pepto Bismol... 4 oz $3.85... $123.20 per gallon
Whiteout... 7 oz $1.39... $25.42 per gallon
Scope... 1.5 oz $0.99... $84.48 per gallon
and this is the REAL KICKER...
>Evian water 9 oz for $1.49... $21.19 per gallon.
$21.19 FOR WATER!....and the buyers don't even know the source. Yes, and the name Evian, is Naive turned around, and the Canadians are selling it by the millions of gallons to the US.
So, the next time you're at the pump, be glad your car doesn't run on water, Scope, or Whiteout, or God forbid, PEPTO BISMOL or NYQUIL!!!
Just a little humor to help ease the pain of your next trip to the more...