Pump Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two little aliens were flying through the desert in there spaceship one day when they came across an old abandoned gas station. The first little alien said the the second little alien maybe we should check it out...so the second little alien said ok! so the second little alien tells the first lil alien you stay here ill go check it out... well the little alien is walking around for a while and he doesnt see anything, so he walks up to the gas pump and he says take me to your leader... well the gas pump doesnt do anything so the little alien says again take me to your leader..well that gas pump still doesnt do anything, so the little alien takes out his ray gun takes a step back and says take me to your leader or ill blast you! the gas pump still doesnt do anything so the lil alien shot the gas tank with his ray beam and took off running when he got back in the space ship he said lets go lets go the first lil alien says well whats wrong, the second lil alien said i knew it i knew it i more...

Two Aliens land in Detroit, next to a Gas station. The Aliens waddle out of their ship and look around. The first thing they see that resembles a being is the Gas pump. The two Aliens approach.
The first one says "Earthling take me to your leader!"
He gets no response.
The first Alien looks at his buddy then addresses the pump again. "Earthling, I said Take me to your leader!"
Still no response.
The first Alien then turns to the second and says, "If this Earthling doesn't show me some respect I'm going to blast him!"
The second Alien replies "O.K. but, I'm just going to stand down on the next block."
The first Alien looks a little puzzled, but waits for the other to waddle to the next block. He then addresses pump a third time.
"Earthling take me to your leader!"
No response.
The Alien then pulls out his ray-gun and shoots the pump. After the explosion the Alien gets up, dusts himself off then more...

Two Aliens land in Detroit, next to a Gas station. The Aliens waddle out of their ship and look around. The first thing they see that resembles a being is the Gas pump. The two Aliens approach.The first one says "Earthling take me to your leader!"He gets no response.The first Alien looks at his buddy then addresses the pump again. "Earthling, I said Take me to your leader!"Still no response.The first Alien then turns to the second and says, "If this Earthling doesn't show me some respect I'm going to blast him!"The second Alien replies "O.K. but, I'm just going to stand down on the next block."The first Alien looks a little puzzled, but waits for the other to waddle to the next block. He then addresses pump a third time."Earthling take me to your leader!"No response.The Alien then pulls out his ray-gun and shoots the pump. After the explosion the Alien gets up, dusts himself off then goes down the block to his buddy.He then says to the more...

Two Aliens land in Detroit, next to a Gas station. The Aliens waddle out of their ship and looked around. The first thing they see that resembles a being is the Gas pump. The two Aliens approach.
The first one says "Earthling take me to your leader!" He gets no response.
The first Alien looks at his buddy then addresses the pump again. "Earthling, I said Take me to your leader!" Still no response.
The first Alien then turns to the second and says "If this Earthling doesn't show me some respect I'm going to blast him!"
The second Alien replies "O.K. but, I'm just going to stand down on the next block."
The first Alien looks a little puzzled, but waits for the other to waddle to the next block. He then addresses the pump a third time. "Earthling take me to your leader!" No response.
The Alien then pulls out his ray-gun and shoots the pump.
After the explosion the Alien gets up dusts himself off then goes down more...

Graa and Zmba had just arrived in the Nevada desert from the planet Fraana when they happened upon a service station. Graa said to Zmba, "Watch out, this sucker is going to be one tough cookie!"
He walked up to pump number one and said, "Take me to your leader."
The pump just stood their and Graa got a little angry and repeated his command with emphasis, "Take me to your leader!" But the pump just stood motionless. Graa pulled out his ray gun and said, "This is your last chance. Take me to your leader." When the pump made no response, he fired a shot at it and the explosion hurled Graa and Zmba all the way back to their spacecraft.
"How did you know he would be so tough?" Zmba asked.
"Anyone with a dick so long they can stick it in their ear has got to be one tough cookie."

I shave my legs
I sit down to pee
I can justify any shopping spree
I don't go to a barber, but a beauty salon
I can balance the checkbook
I can pump my own gas
I can talk to my friends about the size of my bottom
My beauty's a masterpiece, and yes, it takes a long time.
At least I can admit to others when I'm wrong
I don't drive in circles at any cost, and I don't have a problem admitting I'm lost
I Don't act like I'm in a timed marathon every time I have to go to the john
Hey, put the seat down,'cause I won't leave it up!
I never forget an important date
You just gotta deal with it, I'm usually late
I don't watch movies with lots of gore
I don't need instant replay to remember the score
I won't lose my hair
I don't get jock itch
Flowers are okay, but jewelry's best
I don't have a problem expressing my feelings
I know when you're lying, you look at the ceiling
Now, you must forward more...

Makes one think, and puts things in perspective:
Diet Snapple....16 oz $1.29... $10.32 per gallon
Lipton Ice Tea..16 oz $1.19... $ 9.52 per gallon
Gatorade... 20 oz $1.59... $10.17 per gallon
Ocean Spray... 16 oz $1.25... $10.00 per gallon
Brake Fluid... 12 oz $3.15... $33.60 per gallon
Vick's Nyquil... 6 oz $8.35... $178.13 per gallon
Pepto Bismol... 4 oz $3.85... $123.20 per gallon
Whiteout... 7 oz $1.39... $25.42 per gallon
Scope... 1.5 oz $0.99... $84.48 per gallon
and this is the REAL KICKER...
>Evian water 9 oz for $1.49... $21.19 per gallon.
$21.19 FOR WATER!....and the buyers don't even know the source. Yes, and the name Evian, is Naive turned around, and the Canadians are selling it by the millions of gallons to the US.
So, the next time you're at the pump, be glad your car doesn't run on water, Scope, or Whiteout, or God forbid, PEPTO BISMOL or NYQUIL!!!
Just a little humor to help ease the pain of your next trip to the more...