Learning Jokes / Recent Jokes

One day, when Billy came home from school, his mom asked him how his day went. He said, "We're learning about sexual education." She smiled, and said, "At least he's learning something usefull." Billy went up to his room. A little later, Billy's mom went up to his room to call him down to dinner. She opens his door and sees him jerking off. She says, "Billy, when you're done with your homework, supper's on the table."

The following appeared in a computer magazine in Mr. Dvorak's column:
Dear Mr. Dvorak:
Ann Landers wouldn't print this. I have nowhere else to turn. I have to get the word out. Warn other
parents. I must be rambling on. Let me try and explain. It's about my son, Billy. He's always been a
good, normal ten year old boy. Well, last spring we sat down after dinner to select a summer camp for
Billy. We sorted through the camp brochures. There were the usual camps with swimming, canoeing,
games, singing by the campfire -- you know.
There were sports camps and specialty camps for weight reduction, music, military camps and camps
that specialized in Tibetan knot tying. I tried to talk him into Camp Winnepoopoo. It's where he went
last year. (He made an adorable picture out of painted pinto beans and macaroni). Billy would have
none of it. Billy pulled a brochure out of his pocket. It was for a COMPUTER CAMP! We should have put
our foot more...

When a baby is learning to eat, shouldnt he have an L-plate?

I thought learning to play the bagpipes was hard, until I realized I was
just strangling an ostrich.
- Craig Stacey

Once a blond was driving a car very rashly and in a zig zag way. a policeman caught him, asked him why he was driving car in such a way is he drunk. blond answered i am learning how to drive a car. policeman inquired where is teacher. he replied this is correspondence course!

Phrase statements as questions. Instead of telling Ida she looks gorgeous, ask her, "How stunning do you have to look?" Instead of answering questions definitely, answer with another question. When someone asks how you feel, answer, "How should I feel?" Whenever possible, end questions with "or what?" This allows the other person to interject another question: "Has she grown up, or what?"; "Can you remember when she was just a baby, or what?" (About now, a spontaneous rendition of "Sunrise, Sunset" should be expected.) Begin questions with "What?" Example: "What, my kishka's not good enough for you?" Drop last word in sentence (which is typically a direct or indirect object): "What, do you want to get killed going alone? Ira will go with" (drop "you"). Move subject to end of sentences: "Is SHE getting heavy, that Esther?" Use "that" as a modifier to infer contempt: more...

Whatsamatta University's Seminars For Women Fall Catalogue

Once again, the male staff at Whatsamatta University will be offering courses for women of all marital status in an attempt to help males and females understand each other better. Attendance in at least 10 of the following courses is required.

Etiquette and Behavior:
EB101: PMS (Preposterous Mood Swings) - Learning To Sleep Over At Mother's
EB102: We Do Not Want Ties For Christmas (Just Wear The Sexy Lingerie I Gave You)
EB103: How Not To Sob Like A Sponge When Your Husband Is Right
EB104: Why It Is Unacceptable To Talk About Feminine Hygiene In Mixed Company
EB105: If You Want To Know How That Looks On You, Ask Your Mother
EB106: How To Act Younger Than Your Mother
EB107: Apologizing For Farting When You're On The Toilet Is Not Necessary

General Electives:
GE101: You, The Whining Sex
GE102: Why You Don't Need To Invite Your Mother Over Every more...