Learning Jokes / Recent Jokes

Phrase statements as questions. Instead of telling Ida she looks gorgeous, ask her, "How stunning do you have to look?"
Instead of answering questions definitely, answer with another question. When someone asks how you feel, answer, "How should I feel?"
Whenever possible, end questions with "or what?" This allows the other person to interject another question: "Has she grown up, or what?"; "Can you remember when she was just a baby, or what?" (About now, a spontaneous rendition of "Sunrise, Sunset" should be expected.)
Begin questions with "What?" Example: "What, my kishka's not good enough for you?"
Drop last word in sentence (which is typically a direct or indirect object): "What, do you want to get killed going alone? Ira will go with" (drop "you").
Move subject to end of sentences: "Is SHE getting heavy, that Esther?"
Use "that" as a more...

Sardar Tehl Singh, an emigrant in Canada, earned enough money to buy himself a brand new car. He drove out of the sales depot with an L-plate on the car. As the car zig-zagged down the main highway, a traffic cop picked him up "Why are you going from one side of the road to the other?" he demanded.
"I am learning how to drive," replied Tehl Singh.
"You have to have a driving teacher beside you. May I see your licence?"
Tehl Singh pulled out an envelope from his pocket and replied, "Here, I am learning driving by correspondence."

Due to the complexity and level of difficulty, each course will accept a maximum of eight participants.
1. How to fill ice-cube trays. Step by step with slide presentation.
2. Lavatory paper rolls: Do they grow on the holders? Roundtable discussion.
3. Differences between the laundry basket and the floor. Pictures and graphics.
4. The after-dinner dishes and silverware: Can they levitate and fly into kitchen sink? Examples on video.
5. Loss of identity: Losing the remote to your significant other. Help line and support groups.
6. Learning how to find things, starting with looking in the right place instead of turning the house upside down while screaming. Open forum.
7. Health watch: Bringing her flowers is not harmful to your health. Graphics and audio tape.
8. Real men ask for directions when lost. Real-life testimonials.
9. Is it genetically impossible to sit quietly as she parallel parks? Driving simulation.
10. Learning to live: Basic more...

Note: Due to the complexity and difficulty level of their contents,
each course will accept a maximum of 8 participants each.

Topic 1 - How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays.
Step By Step, With Slide Presentation.

Topic 2 - The Toilet Paper Roll: Do They Grow On The Holders?
Round Table Discussion.

Topic 3 - Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat Up And Avoiding The Floor/Walls And Nearby Bathtub?
Group Practice.

Topic 4 - Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper And The
Floor.
Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.

Topic 5 - The After-Dinner Dishes and Silverware: Can They Levitate And Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
Examples on Video.

Topic 6 - Loss of Identity: Losing the Remote To Your Significant Other.
Helpline Support and Support Groups.

Topic 7 - Learning How To Find Things, Starting With Looking In The Right Place Instead Of Turning The more...

Learning history is easy. Learning its lessons is almost impossible.

This nurse was learning first aid. The sister said, `Nurse, imagine a man`s been brought in after an accident and he`s bleeding badly. What`s the first thing you`d do?` The nurse said. `Faint.`

All our pigs are learning karate. Oh, I dont believe that No? Well, just watch out for their chops.