Left-handed Jokes / Recent Jokes

How can you tell which Burger Land baseball pitchers are left-handed? Theyre the ones wearing the left-handed meats!

1. Ten percent of all car thieves are left-handed
2. All polar bears are left-handed
3. If your car is stolen, there's a 10 percent chance it was taken by a Polar bear

1. 39 percent of unemployed men wear spectacles
2. 80 percent of employed men wear spectacles
3. Work stuffs up your eyesight

1. All dogs are animals
2. All cats are animals
3. Therefore, all dogs are cats

1. A total of 4000 cans are opened around the world every second
2. Ten babies are conceived around the world every second
3. Each time you open a can, you stand a 1 in 400 chance of becoming pregnant

One of the regular foursome was sick, so a new member named George filled in. He was very good and pleasant company so they asked him to join them again the following Sunday. "9. 30 okay?" George said, "Fine, but I may be about ten minutes late. Wait for me." The following Sunday George showed up right on time. Not only that he played left-handed and beat them. They agreed to meet the following Sunday at 9. 30. George again said, "Okay, but I may be about ten minutes late. Wait for me." The next Sunday there was George, punctual to the dot. This time he played right-handed and beat them again. "Okay, for 9. 30 next Sunday?" one of the foursome asked. George said, "Sure if I’m ten minutes late…"Another golfer jumped in. "Wait a minute… You always say you may be ten minutes late. But you’re always right on time and you beat us whether you play right or left handed." George said, "Well, that’s true – I’m more...

One of the regular foursome was sick, so a new member named George filled in. He was very good and pleasant company so they asked him to join them again the following Sunday. "9.30 okay?"
George said, "Fine, but I may be about ten minutes late. Wait for me."
The following Sunday George showed up right on time. Not only that he played left-handed and beat them.
They agreed to meet the following Sunday at 9.30. George again said, "Okay, but I may be about ten minutes late. Wait for me."
The next Sunday there was George, punctual to the dot. This time he played right-handed and beat them again. "Okay, for 9.30 next Sunday?" one of the foursome asked.
George said, "Sure if I'm ten minutes late…"
Another golfer jumped in. "Wait a minute… You always say you may be ten minutes late. But you're always right on time and you beat us whether you play right or left handed."
George said, "Well, that's more...

Four guys who worked together always golfed as a group at 7 a.m. Sunday. But one of them got transferred, and they were talking about trying to fill out the foursome.
A woman standing near the tee said, "Hey, I like to golf, can I join the group?"
They were hesitant but said she could come once to try it. She said "Good, I'll be there at 6:30 or quarter to seven."
She showed up right at 6:30, and wound up setting a course record with a 7-under-par round. The guys went nuts and everyone in the clubhouse congratulated her. Meanwhile, she was fun and pleasant the entire round. The guys happily invited her back the next week and she said "Sure, I'll be here at 6:30 or quarter to 7."
Again, she showed up at 6:30 Sunday morning. Only this time, she played left-handed, and matched her 7-under par score of the previous week. By now the guys were totally amazed, and they asked her to join the group for keeps.
They had a beer after their round, more...

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee

(Hardly seems worth it)


If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb

(Now that's more like it)


The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet (Wow...!)


A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.

(In my next life I want to be a pig)


A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy)

(I'm still not over the pig)


Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.

(Do not try this at home. . maybe at work)


The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.

("Honey, I'm more...

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